It would be nice if the change of a year meant shedding the bad habits and forgetting insecurities. If only the New Year eradicated unfulfilled promises, repeated mistakes or realizations that the same shortcomings of years past are still woven into the tapestry of my ‘self’.
I am in awe of the people who commit to making January 1st the beginning of change. For instance, I know a lot of people have resolved to write more. How do I know this? My email “In” box told me so! I don’t know how long I can keep up, but I’ll give it my best 🙂 I secretly wish I could be excited for the calendar change so I could finally lose that extra fifteen pounds or do the 90 minutes of exercise each week that my doctor kindly reminds me about at each visit.
I don’t do resolutions, mainly because any commitment I make under the influence of holiday sweets is bound to fail once I come off the sugar high.
I do, however, participate in moments of reflection (as I do throughout the year.) As it turns out, there have been some things on my mind that I need to set free. (My mind has limited real estate, so this space is desperately needed for other things.)
- Recently, I did a writing prompt response about guilt. I feel guilt over silly things – like not having enough time to view all the blogs of people who ‘like’ my posts, or to subscribe back to everyone who subscribes to my blog. I’ve seen a few comments on other sites indicating that reciprocation is expected, but I hope it’s not really like that. To me, this is like giving someone a gift and expecting one back in return. I do appreciate every person who subscribes to my blog – and I visit every one of them…but I sincerely apologize if I have offended any subscriber by not subscribing back.
- I want to believe I don’t care what others think, but as I prepare to hit ‘publish’ on this post, I have some fear the point above will drive others away. I want to have faith that my spirit will come through in my writing, and that my spirit doesn’t stand on a mountain top screaming, “I’m a jerk!”
- I struggle with insecurity. If I could believe in myself as much as my mom believes in me, I’d be cocky and annoying surely have confidence that I’m following the path God intended.
The last couple of months have left my belly over-stuffed with food that should have killed me by now, but my spirit is starving for something of substance. I recognize that when I slow down and make time for God, my shortcomings shrink. My guilt dissolves into peace, I accept that my imperfect self is good enough, and I feel the power of God’s grace reminding me that if I place my trust in Him, He won’t let me stray.
For by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God (Ephesians 2:8)
Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. (Romans 5:1)