Unfinished.
This one word describes pretty much every aspect of me and my life at the moment. There must be a lesson somewhere in all of this because I like things to be completed. Perhaps I’m supposed to learn patience. Or maybe the state of unfinished is meant to make me look at what’s really important in my life. I don’t expect to fully grasp how “unfinished” has changed me until time has passed and I’m looking over my shoulder.
I moved into my house a month ago. Everywhere I turn, I’m greeted by reminders of what I haven’t gotten done. As a person who likes neatness and order, this is difficult to deal with at times. I have broken towel racks that need to be replaced. I have no artwork hanging on my walls because I need to finish painting first. I have fabric I bought 3 years ago for window valances I never made for a house I no longer own. I would like to make them here. I need more time…
I want to write, but the things I need to do creep into my consciousness and strangle my creativity, like weeds in a vegetable garden. I struggle with darkness more than I would like, but I avoid sharing what I’ve written in this state because it’s depressing. I want to read blogs, but I get overwhelmed by the number of unread emails so I give up (which makes it worse!)
I am unfinished.
Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t think we’re complete masterpieces until we’ve exhaled our last breath. I’m somewhere in between who I was and who I will be… but I don’t know what that means yet. Uncertainty has allowed me to exist in this state of flux for quite some time. I didn’t live last year. I breathed in and out, even when I didn’t want to, and woke up each day with the single goal of getting through it. It seems I’ve forgotten how to look forward; how to dream.
I hope words will come and allow me to write my way through this.
At least this post is finished 🙂
Have a wonderful Monday!
JannaTWrites 
Maybe focus on finishing one “room” at a time.
For me, a house doesn’t seem like home until the kitchen is ready to go.
And I need a comfy bed.
And clean towels in the bathroom.
No art on the walls? That’s ZEN!
That is a good plan, Nancy. Unfortunately I’ve spent more time focusing on how not to get anything done 🙂 The kitchen is important… mine is functional, but not “pretty” yet.
I don’t think we are ever finished until we are laid to rest. Rock on. Keep on trucking. Little by little. It took me 2 years to finish our bathroom remodel.
A bathroom remodel is pretty significant. I definitely wouldn’t start a project like that! I think it’s true that we will always find something to do.
Janna, don’t be so hard on yourself! “Finished” is an ideal. We don’t get ideal here on earth. We trudge along, doing the best we can, fretting that things are piling up, grousing that what we want to do (write) takes a back burner to what we have to do (work). Sometimes you just need to remind yourself that you’ve survived a MAJOR upheaval, one from which it’s going to take time to emerge whole. Pat yourself on the back for any and every sign of progress. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Before you know it, you’ll turn that magical corner, where you’ll notice all the accomplishments! (I’m writing this partially for myself, you know, as I, too, need to focus more on the positives!!)
I hope the positive vibes helped, Debbie 🙂 Finished is probably an unattainable goal, but each step closer brings satisfaction. I haven’t done much in the two weeks since this post. It’s been enough just to “be” right now.
Take a deep breath, One chore at a time, One day at a time. We all eventually get where we need to be, and in essence I suppose we will always be unfinished as our minds always conjures up more we need to do. Be a little easier on yourself. Pamper yourself a some; you deserve it as you’ve been through a lot.
Thanks for the nice comment and kind thoughts, Suzicate
get set, take your time but write. Glad to see you back, Jannat. Let’s all breathe and break the jinx that life throws at us.
Love
Thanks, Vishal. I’m still struggling with writing, but do hope that one day I won’t be so tired 🙂
You seem like you’ve accomplished loads. Take up Yoga or something. Blogs can always wait. It is great to hear from you. Take care x
Thanks, Catherine. I appreciate the suggestion and nice comment. I hope you are doing well 🙂
I am happy for your last two sentences. Every victory deserves a celebration!
Thanks, Allen. I need to look more at the little things so the big picture doesn’t seem so bleak.
Unfinished just means you have time to do things your way for a change. 🙂
That’s a good way to look at it, Susan!
Like you said, if we were finished, we’d be dead … but this stage of a new life sucks! May you be able to finish one thing, one day at a time. 🙂
Thanks, Widdershins. Sucky is a good way to describe my life right now. On the bright side, it has to get better from here, haha
Sometimes we do not realize when we are finished… all the little steps, and all of the sudden we have to invent things to fill our time… After 16 years in the same house I recall ambitions that we had when we moved in… very little done, and it’s a wonderful house. Sometimes one just has to accept things in a state of being unfinished.. I’m sure that there comes a day when you feel it’s better leave it than finish it… see every painting hung as a victory.
Acceptance has a lot to do with whether we feel a sense of satisfaction or not. Some things, I need to learn to accept as is. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Bjorn!
I wonder if anyone really finishes.
As an author, I’ve revised one of my manuscripts 25 times – and this is a 80,000 word novel. Do the maths.
We are all in different states of finish – but never ever finished-finish, I reckon.
Compared to a year ago, we are finished. Compared to what is to come, we are not…
Peace,
Eric
Quite philosophical, Eric 🙂 Looking back does give a bit of perspective as to how far we’ve come.
I feel we have a lot in common these days. Instead of writing, my focus has completely shifted. I don’t have the words or the desire. I don’t see the point. So I have walked away from writing, started immersing myself in music and art and housework. Reading instead. I sure get where you are coming from!
I haven’t kept up with reading, but it did seem like there weren’t many emails with posts for you. I do have a few that I will visit though. If you aren’t writing, I am glad you have other interests that bring you joy.
It sounds like things are unfinished for you but not completely stagnant. You’re part of a process that is leading you slowly forward. One day at a time, hey? Praying for light to shine in the darkness, and for support from others when you’re feeling down. You are loved.
Some days feel like more forward movement than others, GodGirl. I appreciate the prayers very much.
I had to smile as I read your post, Janna. This is so me at the moment. We moved into our partially renovated house, after selling our other one much quicker than we expected. I also thrive on neatness and order in my life, so I’m really battling with the construction site which greets me every time i walk out of my bedroom door. I know it will all be done eventually, and hubby, who loves to be a ‘one-man-band’, is working as fast as is humanly possible. Patience is definitely a virtue in very short supply at the moment. 😕
Congratulations on the sale of your other house, even though the timing wasn’t what you’d hoped. One day, the many days of progress will be apparent and you’ll feel the satisfaction of accomplishment.
It’s all coming along nicely. Still so much to do though. 🙂
There’s always something to do!
I deal with some of those same issues, Janna. Some days it’s overwhelming to find a place to start. We have many unfinished projects on the house. I am learning to be content, whether abased or abounding. I try to look at what is done and not what needs to be done. As long as we breathe, there’s hope! My life took on a new perspective when God brought a woman into my life who was homeless until two months ago.
I like your attitude toward the states of finished vs. unfinished. How we look at things makes a big difference 🙂
It wasn’t easy, it’s a process. You have to have peace within and let that guide you.
Thanks, Patti… peace is welcomed 🙂