This one word describes pretty much every aspect of me and my life at the moment. There must be a lesson somewhere in all of this because I like things to be completed. Perhaps I’m supposed to learn patience. Or maybe the state of unfinished is meant to make me look at what’s really important in my life. I don’t expect to fully grasp how “unfinished” has changed me until time has passed and I’m looking over my shoulder.
I moved into my house a month ago. Everywhere I turn, I’m greeted by reminders of what I haven’t gotten done. As a person who likes neatness and order, this is difficult to deal with at times. I have broken towel racks that need to be replaced. I have no artwork hanging on my walls because I need to finish painting first. I have fabric I bought 3 years ago for window valances I never made for a house I no longer own. I would like to make them here. I need more time…
I want to write, but the things I need to do creep into my consciousness and strangle my creativity, like weeds in a vegetable garden. I struggle with darkness more than I would like, but I avoid sharing what I’ve written in this state because it’s depressing. I want to read blogs, but I get overwhelmed by the number of unread emails so I give up (which makes it worse!)
I am unfinished.
Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t think we’re complete masterpieces until we’ve exhaled our last breath. I’m somewhere in between who I was and who I will be… but I don’t know what that means yet. Uncertainty has allowed me to exist in this state of flux for quite some time. I didn’t live last year. I breathed in and out, even when I didn’t want to, and woke up each day with the single goal of getting through it. It seems I’ve forgotten how to look forward; how to dream.
I hope words will come and allow me to write my way through this.
At least this post is finished 🙂
Have a wonderful Monday!