Being The Kite

Wispy days

changing shapes, shifting

directions- I navigate with shaky balance. I do

my best to anticipate, yet fall short; vulnerable to the destructive

undertow of frustration. I close my eyes and think…. imagine.

In my mind, things happen so differently… peacefully,

I would like to float… gracefully, like a kite

riding the breeze. Although,

I know,

in reality,

I don’t

bend

with

ease.

Yes, I'm indulging my obsession with clouds!
Yes, I’m indulging my obsession with clouds!

The poem above is supposed to be in the shape of a kite.  It looks kind of like a sting ray, though…

I’m still struggling with wanting to do more than I physically have time for.  Twice this week I fell asleep at my computer, which frustrates me because my sleep-typing is horrible.  Not a single legible sentence that I can use!  As I approach the weekend, I’m working to accept that my email “In” box is going to be overrun and I’m going to be temporarily behind on blog reading for the next few weeks.  I don’t like it, but that’s life.

I’m  going to visit my parents this weekend, so I won’t have computer access.  If I get ambitious I might try to do some reading on my phone, but I dislike leaving comments that way.  See, I have enough typos using a keyboard… the auto-correct on my phone makes me look like a blithering idiot who cannot compose a coherent thought.  Sometimes I think the programmers who set up auto-correct did so with a sense of humor.  (Seriously, I mistype “imagine” and one of the suggested words is “ikmaoq”.  How often is it used in English conversation?!)

I won’t bore you with the “things” going on right now… everyone is busy.  May we all find moments to step away (either physically or mentally) and feel those peaceful moments of acceptance.

Have a beautiful weekend!

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The Flow

Ripples in circles,

actions, reactions surround.

Who creates the flow?

09-15 Ducks

When I spotted these ducks in the lake on Saturday, two cliched sayings rolled through my mind.

“Like water off a duck’s back.

“Go with the flow.”

To me, both phrases appear on the surface to encourage peace.  I can’t argue that it is good practice to let things go and not hold a grudge.  Those grievances can become heavy.

At first thought, going with the flow seems to promote adjusting to what life serves up with the goal of navigating gracefully through the unexpected.  As I watched the ducks swim, I noticed they would change course- one moment swimming toward each other, then drifting away again.  It occurred to me that, like the ducks, we can create our own flow.

We’re not bound to the ripples others create.

The Peace In Passing Time

Something about clouds

Building on the horizon,

Captures my attention,

Stirs anticipation.

Something about rain

Granting a reprieve from sunshine,

Eases my restless mind,

Slows passing time.

09-08 Clouds2

When things get to be too much, I look up and watch the clouds.  I looked up often last week!

I had Saturday night to myself and had intended to spend the time writing.  I did write some, but spent the bulk of my alone time clearing “stuff”.  I removed stacks of clutter from table tops, shredded a pile of papers that had stacked up beside the shredder, pulled some clothes from the closet to donate, and read a few magazines that had been taunting me for months.  I feel better (freer) when I’m not surrounded by clutter.

This is how watching clouds affects my mind.  I tend to worry (read:  obsess over details, no matter how minute.)  Sometimes everything builds up to the point I can’t even make a simple decision.  (I’ve skipped lunch more than once simply because I couldn’t decide what to eat.)  I know, that’s pathetic!  Watching clouds distracts me from the constant noise in my mind… the swirl of  things I need to accomplish or remember, the over-analyzing of things I wish I’d done better, and the odd thoughts and ideas that could be story ideas.

Monday is here whether I’m ready or not (and I don’t think I’m ready.)  Rain is in the forecast, and I’m happy that  clouds will help me transition into the work week.

I hope your Monday is peaceful!

At Our Fingertips

In a day, we can find patches of calm that soothe our nerves, put our soul at ease.

We discover a place where our mind and body rest in harmony.

In that place, our hearts soar and nourish our dreams;

At our fingertips, we encounter finite peace.

In the distance, looms another reality.

View from vista on Mogollon Rim
View from vista on Mogollon Rim

I had a post all ready to go today about my migraine-inducing weekend with my younger sons’ sleepover friend, but I decided to pull it, for now.  It was supposed to be funny, but in thinking about it, maybe I wrote it too close to the event…I think it may be too harsh on the kid.  Or maybe not 😛

At any rate, I decided to write something inspired by the date.  The world feels even more uncertain than it did twelve years ago.   Every day, I seek peace in my interactions with friends and strangers.  I don’t like conflict.  It makes me feel all jumbled inside.  In my life, I manage to co-exist with people who are unlike me- people with different backgrounds, those who don’t accept my God, people who eat bratwurst.

I don’t watch the news very much these days.  I find that isolating myself from world events allows me to enjoy my personal peace.  I know that it may be an illusion; that it’s built on unstable ground- but it’s the only way I know to keep anxiety at bay.  I can’t understand how people can exterminate one another.  I can’t fathom hatred for strangers so deep that killing seems a good option.  I can’t grasp why my country tries to take on the role of peacekeeper with brute force.

This is why I find solace among the trees.  Their size makes me feel safe.  They have managed to survive in an uncertain world, and they give me hope that I can do the same.

I appreciate you stopping by to read my ramblings.  May you find peace today, tomorrow, and every day.

Serenity Amongst Worries

Embracing serenity
Embracing serenity

Have you ever been so focused on one thing that other things to do are neglected – they slip by unnoticed and undone?  If I get engrossed in a project, meals get skipped, bathroom breaks are forgotten- until it’s almost too late- and muscles become knotted because I forget to let myself stretch.  (Please tell me this isn’t just me!)

Since we moved from big city to small town in March, I’ve mentioned to my husband several times that I need to look for a church here.  I also say that I need to get a drain stopper for my younger son’s sink…I need to fix the window screens with holes in them…I need to work on my novel more.  Our attention has been directed toward getting the yard cleaned up and we’ve made progress…but it means other things are not getting done.  (I’m not Wonder Woman after all…but oh, how fun that would be!)

You might be wondering, “If you want to find a church so badly, how come you don’t get it done?”  Simple answer:  my shyness and social anxiety have been stronger than my desire to find a church.  Since my husband works on Sundays, I wouldn’t have him to lean on.  Yet, I’m not disciplined enough yet to study the Bible regularly on my own, so I really do need the weekly nudge to keep me motivated.  This has been my struggle for the last few months.

As we drove home from watching fireworks on the Fourth of July, I saw a church and commented again, “I really need to look into finding a church here.  I miss it.”

On Saturday, my husband called and told me about an ad on the radio about a generator for sale.  He looked at it and liked it, so I met him at the person’s house, checkbook in hand.  We got to talking to the people and it turns out they are part of the worship band at a nearby Bible church.  (Oh, we’re small town now, so everything is nearby :razz:)

Long story short, I’m going to swallow my nerves (and eat a light breakfast, just in case) and go to the church service today.  Everyone in town has been friendly, so I can only attribute my anxiety to leftover issues from my childhood.  I read through several Bible verses last night to try to calm my increasing worries.  (What if I get lost on the way…I don’t know where to take the kids…what if I run late and can’t find a seat…what if I find a seat, but it’s all the way in front…oh the list went on.)  I liked these two best:

Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up.  (Proverbs 12:25)

I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. (Psalm 34:4)

Today, I pray that God will replace my inner turmoil with serenity and ease my social apprehension so it is not a hindrance in seeking a new church home.  I ask that He banish my superficial worries so that my ears and heart will be open.

Do you have fears/worries that churn inside you?  How do you find peace?