Good Enough?

Time to sweep the driveway... again....
Time to sweep the driveway… again….

I swept the driveway earlier this week.  I’d been at it for over an hour, and frankly, was tired of seeing pine needles and leaves.  I looked behind me and noticed some stray leaves that I had missed.  I turned back around and continued sweeping, muttering, “it’s good enough.”

Good enough?  This is unlike me.  When did good enough become good enough?

My entire life, I’ve been an over-achiever.  If I earned an “A” in school, the percent mattered:  90% was barely skating by… almost a “B”.   I can’t remember what it is I needed to buy at Walmart even though I wandered the aisles hoping it would come to me, but I haven’t forgotten that nearly 20 years ago, I was a tenth of a percent away from graduating college Summa Cum Laude.  Magna Cum Laude wasn’t good enough.

I’ve been known to follow up after my kids do their chores because it wasn’t good enough.  I constantly wipe water spots from chrome faucets.  Daily, I wage war against the clutter threatening to overtake my one long counter top.  My plastic storage containers are nested neatly in the cabinet, in spite of the kids’ tendency to haphazardly toss them onto the shelf.

I wonder:  have I accepted that good enough should be embraced rather than shunned?   Maybe I’m finally seeing that perfection is an unattainable illusion.  Maybe I realize that time is a commodity and that “good enough” is an excellent savings plan.

Or, maybe I’m just tired.

Yes, I think this is it.  Many days getting out of bed is a milestone because I didn’t think I could do it.  I’m not so sure my “good enough” attitude is permanent, but if it gets me through the day, well, that’s good enough.

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I’m still struggling with keeping up with things I need to do, so writing time is next to none (which frustrates me.)  Just thinking about what I have to do puts me into a state of inaction and procrastination (equally frustrating!)  In my bits  of “spare time” I’ve been slowly catching up on blog reading, though.  My apologies to Emilio – he provided a photo for me to write a story for… in September… and it still isn’t done.  I hope to have something on that soon… but I know better than to promise anything!

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At My Worst

If we wait long enough, there is always a break in the clouds...
If we wait long enough, there is always a break in the clouds…

Last week, I hinted at fiction for this week… that’s still on- for Thursday, I think 🙂 But tonight, as I work through some stuff in my head, I had some thoughts I was moved to share.

When we have a disagreement with someone, we often comment that we’ve seen them at their worst. On the surface, the disagreement seems like a negative thing. In the aftermath, we tell ourselves the hurtful person that emerged and attacked with well-aimed emotional missiles was just a result of the situation. It’s not really who they are.

It occurs to me that this “worst” isn’t always an abnormality in behavior, but rather the truest sense of the person that appeared from behind the mask usually held firmly in place.   What seems like a bad thing turns into a blessing because it provides a glimpse of what lives in the person’s heart. It’s better to know what we’re dealing with.

It got me thinking about what I am at my worst. I’m there right now…

I struggle to keep seeds of resentment from taking root. I battle anger with regular exercise and prayers to “let it go.” I linger in lows where hope could slide through the eye of a needle.  Sometimes I feel like a doormat and I want to shout all the things I bottle up inside, but I refuse to retaliate with hatred. I seek peace instead.  Bad feelings might be around me, but they will not become me.

This is who I am at my worst.  I’m far from perfect, but I could be worse…

What do you think – is our worst a true indication of who we are?