Worthless Commodity?

Never peace between darkness and light...
Never peace between darkness and light…

I refuse to believe

That time is money;

That each breath is calculated

In dollars and cents,

That what I thought priceless,

Is essentially worthless…

It doesn’t make sense.

I cannot concede

That my value is monetary;

That my worth is determined

On an hourly basis,

That there is no light in darkness,

An eternity spent in stasis …

Life must be more than this.


First of all, I have to say that I’ve missed this place- and reading what others have been up to.  I knew I’d be gone for a week, maybe two, but my absence extended and I began thinking my writing thoughts were done.  Since my last post in January, I endured a 3.5 hour trial so a judge can determine my fate in my divorce (nearly a year after filing), I unloaded the burden of ‘too much house’, lived with a neighbor for several days while in between houses, moved into a much smaller house that I selected on my own, and got knocked down by a nasty cold.  Things are nowhere near where I’d like them to be but that will take time.  And the things I want to do to make this house my “home” take money.

And this is what started the poem I’ve posted.  As I was patching nail holes throughout my house, wondering how someone could possibly have so many things to hang on the walls, I contemplated the idea of having someone paint the interior.  I quickly nixed that idea because I don’t really have money for paint, much less the luxury of someone to do the work for me.  I thought, I don’t have time or money, but right now, I have more time than money.

That realization sent me thinking about how everything seems to come down to dollars and cents these days.  I’ve spent the last year and over $18,000 fighting a soon-to-be ex who seems to view me as his meal ticket.  I could rant about that but I won’t, because I’m tired.  And besides, there’s no point.  My fate is now in the hands of God, and the judge who will determine how much I will lose.  As I look back on this last year, I’m most disappointed that my value seems to be, well, in my value… as in my salary, my savings, etc.  If I didn’t have the kids to care for, I would quit my job and live nowhere… and everywhere. I’d earn enough money for my necessities, but not enough for anyone to bother to take advantage of me.

But this is the real world.

I feel more hope than I did a year ago, but honestly, I still struggle with lows that make me wonder if I will battle darkness every day of my life.  I wonder if I will always cry when I should be happy, or feel this weight inside me when I should be soaring.  Only time will tell.

Although I’m more realistic (cynical?) than I’ve ever been, I still want to believe my thoughts, ideas and dreams cannot be appraised and converted to currency.  I have to believe that darkness isn’t a certainty and there is more to hope for than whatever this life brings.

Those are the thoughts/inspiration behind the poem.  Have a beautiful Wednesday!


Being The Kite

Wispy days

changing shapes, shifting

directions- I navigate with shaky balance. I do

my best to anticipate, yet fall short; vulnerable to the destructive

undertow of frustration. I close my eyes and think…. imagine.

In my mind, things happen so differently… peacefully,

I would like to float… gracefully, like a kite

riding the breeze. Although,

I know,

in reality,

I don’t




Yes, I'm indulging my obsession with clouds!
Yes, I’m indulging my obsession with clouds!

The poem above is supposed to be in the shape of a kite.  It looks kind of like a sting ray, though…

I’m still struggling with wanting to do more than I physically have time for.  Twice this week I fell asleep at my computer, which frustrates me because my sleep-typing is horrible.  Not a single legible sentence that I can use!  As I approach the weekend, I’m working to accept that my email “In” box is going to be overrun and I’m going to be temporarily behind on blog reading for the next few weeks.  I don’t like it, but that’s life.

I’m  going to visit my parents this weekend, so I won’t have computer access.  If I get ambitious I might try to do some reading on my phone, but I dislike leaving comments that way.  See, I have enough typos using a keyboard… the auto-correct on my phone makes me look like a blithering idiot who cannot compose a coherent thought.  Sometimes I think the programmers who set up auto-correct did so with a sense of humor.  (Seriously, I mistype “imagine” and one of the suggested words is “ikmaoq”.  How often is it used in English conversation?!)

I won’t bore you with the “things” going on right now… everyone is busy.  May we all find moments to step away (either physically or mentally) and feel those peaceful moments of acceptance.

Have a beautiful weekend!

Cloud Games

Clouds peek over mountains and trees

Some clouds play


This one says,

“Don’t mess with me!”

This cloud looks like it’s flexing muscles, but I snapped the pic anyway!


I’ve written many times about life happening, and boy has it decided to happen right now.  Computer problems, camping trips, unexpected projects and deadlines and work, sick relatives, back-to-school preparation- yes, we have it all!  Oddly enough, I don’t feel burdened with stress.  I guess that’s a nice side effect of keeping my head in the clouds 🙂

I know I have lots of blog reading to catch up on.  I do hope this week cooperates and allows me that time.  To those I read regularly, and to new visitors whom I’ve not visited yet- I appreciate your patience!

A Cloud Obsession Comes to Light

This cloud was love at first light, I mean, sight

There are two things I can count on:

  1.  I’ll see a great photo op when I don’t have my camera with me (or the battery is dead); and
  2.  Even the best photo op won’t persuade hubby to pull the car over.

(I guess I should clarify that I can expect these two things when it comes to taking pictures.  There are other things I can count on in life- like an accident on the freeway when I’m late for work, my children’s honesty when it comes to pointing out my shortcomings, and forgetting the one thing I absolutely needed at the grocery store whenever I shop from memory. )

Those who’ve read my blog before may have noticed that I’m obsessed with clouds.  My fascination with sunlight comes in a close second.  When I see a beautiful combination of clouds and sunlight, I go crazy, like a pre-teen girl with a Justin Bieber poster.  Okay, not that crazy…but you get the idea 🙂

This time of year, the heat builds all day, setting the scene for afternoon/evening dust storms, and the occasional thunderstorm, if we’re lucky.  Breathing dust is a bad thing.  There is a risk of Valley Fever.  People with asthma or breathing problems are forced indoors.  Looking at dust illuminated by the afternoon sun is a beautiful thing.  The dust filters light in ways that are so different from a clean air day.  (Well, a cleaner air day…we don’t have many “clean” air days in the city!)

On Sunday, the dust, light and clouds sparked my obsession came together beautifully.  Of course, my camera battery was dead.  (Apparently batteries need charged once in a while.)  My disappointment faded when I remembered the camera on my phone has an 8MP camera.  It doesn’t have the stabilization or the cheat lines to give me a reference for a straight horizon, but it had exactly what I needed:  the memory to capture the rays of sunlight.

If only my memory worked so well.

A little something extra for those who stuck it through to the end 🙂


Thanks to everyone who read my Trifecta Weekend Challenge story and voted for it – it was the 1st place winner this week.  To a girl who was never picked for team sports in P.E. and was absent from all the “most likely to” lists in high school, this is something different!

Head In The Clouds (1)

As a child, I was told more than once to “get my head out of the clouds.”  Of course, those who said it meant that I should quit dreaming and pay attention.  I bet they didn’t know that I would grow up and my eyes would still be on the clouds.

I’ve mentioned before that I love looking at clouds and often see images among the Cumulus and Nimbus clouds.  I thought it would be fun to periodically put an image up for you to share what you see.

Don’t worry – I won’t analyze the results like a Rorschach inkblot test.   And I promise not to share your opinions with any psychological data mining companies (is there even a such thing?)

Have fun!  Come on and play along…leave a comment with what you see in the clouds:

What do you see (besides smog)?

I’ll leave  you with one piece of wisdom.  There is only one problem with keeping your eyes on the clouds…sometimes you miss the rocks in your path.


Maybe it is best to keep your head out of the clouds when your feet are pounding the hiking trail.