Freedom Is A State Of Mind

It’s almost Independence Day here in the United States, but I thought I’d look at freedom in a different way. Freedom isn’t just about rights that are awarded from sources outside of us; freedom is also what we allow ourselves to make of it.

For a while I’ve been imprisoned by my own thoughts and circumstances. My mind has settled on the impossibility of what life is and I’ve been unable to comprehend a time where things could be different. This has led me into some really dark days. I haven’t written on my blog for nearly a month, mostly because the majority of what I’ve written has been so dark and depressing, I simply cannot share it.

During this time, friends have tried to lift me up because I can’t stand on my own. I know this has been exhausting for them because it’s been tiring for me as well. Waking up each day has been a chore. I’ve been caught in an endless loop of not wanting to do anything, and then feeling down because I don’t find joy in anything.

I know; it’s all in my head.

A glimmer of hope came through in my writing recently, and I thought I would share. It’s the first hint in a long time that maybe I will be right again, someday. This poem was written about a friend who has put a lot of effort into trying to get me to see hope. I’ve not been able to look beyond what I could see for today and tomorrow. But sometimes (I’m told) hope waits over the horizon, just out of sight.

Just because I can’t see it, doesn’t mean it isn’t there.

Hope is the light streaming in between clouds
Hope is the light streaming in between clouds

You are…

A seedling sprouting

on the charred forest floor;

the sun rising

bathing desolation in golden light;

fresh rain soaking

into parched desert soil;

the smile spreading

across a tear-streaked face.

You are the today

that makes me want to see tomorrow;

you are a gift-

a reminder of God’s amazing way.

These sentiments also apply to everyone who has offered prayers and well-wishes over the last several months. A big, heart-felt thanks to all of you! There is still so much uncertainty in my life, and most days are emotionally and physically draining, but I’m starting to believe one thing IS a certainty: I will be okay. “Okay” might not turn out to be what I thought it would be… but that’s okay 🙂 I am so far behind in reading blogs but I am finally to the point I think I can set aside a little time most days. I always enjoyed the blog community and I think perhaps taking the step to interact again will bring some normalcy, which I’ve been lacking.

I wish you all a beautiful weekend!  If hope isn’t clearly visible, may a shift in mindset bring it out of the shadows.

39 thoughts on “Freedom Is A State Of Mind

  1. Jerry July 3, 2015 / 5:57 AM

    I’m glad to see optimism. Your day is brighter inside and out. I wish you more happiness than pain every day.

    • jannatwrites July 19, 2015 / 8:40 PM

      Thanks, Jerry – I appreciate the kind words. There have been more days of hope since then, so I do see some light at times 🙂

    • jannatwrites July 19, 2015 / 8:41 PM

      Thanks so much, TDM! I appreciate you stopping by. I’m really hoping to get back to some sort of normal. I refuse to accept what has been is my new normal 🙂

      • the dune mouse July 20, 2015 / 8:21 AM

        Good for you!! Carry on and I hope your poetic muse will inspire you onward!!

        • jannatwrites July 21, 2015 / 10:59 PM

          Thanks, TDM… time will tell 🙂

    • jannatwrites July 19, 2015 / 8:45 PM

      Thanks, Nancy. I have seen a few glimpses of hope, so I’m hoping that more light will follow 🙂 Thanks for the link- that was a pretty poem. Hope is important, especially during times when it’s hardest to see.

  2. Debbie July 3, 2015 / 10:50 AM

    You’ve been on my mind, Janna. Glad to hear you’re finally seeing glimmers of hope. Lovely poem, and I hope your friend cherishes it! They say it’s always darkest before the dawn — I don’t know if that’s true, but winter days sure feel like that. Remember, when God closes a door, He opens a window. Hang in there, and don’t stay gone too long because you’re missed. Happy Fourth to you!

    • jannatwrites July 19, 2015 / 8:49 PM

      Thanks, Debbie. I’m hoping there will be more moments of hope as time passes. In the meantime, I’ll keep an eye out for that window 🙂 I don’t intend for such long absences but I’m lacking time and motivation. I think I need to make myself write… that might help get other stuff together as well.

  3. diannegray July 3, 2015 / 1:51 PM

    I hope you rise above all this, Janna and come out the other end the star you really are. Sometimes change is like pulling teeth, but in the end we feel far better for it. Sending you big hugs and strength xxxx

    • jannatwrites July 19, 2015 / 8:51 PM

      Thanks, Dianne. I’m thinking there will be a time when I can find some peace. It just takes time 🙂

  4. Bryan Ens July 3, 2015 / 2:53 PM

    That first glimmer of hope…what a blessing. May the light of hope and HIS love come bursting through like water through a breached dam!

    • jannatwrites July 19, 2015 / 8:51 PM

      Thanks for the kind thoughts, Bryan. That will be a good day when that happens… at least I have a little hope 🙂

  5. Emilio Pasquale July 3, 2015 / 5:58 PM

    Janna, I have thought of you often. For every two steps forward it’s always one step back. But that is still forward progress, though maybe not as fast as you would hope. So don’t worry. You’ll get there one day!

    • jannatwrites July 19, 2015 / 8:53 PM

      I appreciate the nice comment, Emilio! Progress is a good thing.. much better than darkness and stagnation 🙂 In time, I do have hope that I will find some sense of normal

  6. Tessa July 3, 2015 / 10:29 PM

    Yay Janna, good to see you back in whatever your current meaning of back is.

    • jannatwrites July 19, 2015 / 8:54 PM

      Thanks, Tessa! I’m having trouble getting back into the swing of things, but I guess it just takes time

  7. philosophermouseofthehedge July 4, 2015 / 8:49 AM

    Seeing there’s cracks in the cloudy sky is a good start. Effort can be exhausting for anyone at one time or another. You’re certainly not alone in dealing with this. Paw waves from the resident tails. 🙂

    • jannatwrites July 19, 2015 / 8:59 PM

      Thanks for the support and paw waves, Phil! Many days are still an effort to get through but I am seeing more glimpses of hope.

  8. joannesisco July 4, 2015 / 11:58 AM

    It’s so encouraging to hear you talk of hope. Wishing you an exit from this dark tunnel you’ve been travelling.

    • jannatwrites July 19, 2015 / 9:00 PM

      Thanks, Joanne. I’m still not out of the tunnel but I am seeing more hope. I’m hoping that results in more writing, haha!

  9. agjorgenson July 4, 2015 / 8:44 PM

    Peace and prayers your way. What a beautiful poem, and the photo fits it so well.

    • jannatwrites July 19, 2015 / 9:01 PM

      Thanks, Allen! I am a sucker for light-through-the-clouds photos 🙂 I appreciate the prayers. I’m looking forward to more hope and less darkness

  10. vishalbheeroo July 4, 2015 / 10:11 PM

    Happy Independence to the great nation, United States, and to you. True, fettered thoughts can imprison us like hell and often, I am forever in unwanted, negative thoughts but slowly, we’ll get out of it. Beautiful poem, Jannat:)

    • jannatwrites July 19, 2015 / 9:04 PM

      Thanks for stopping by, Vishal! Our minds really can confine us and we can get stuck in that routine all too easily. I hope you are doing well… I’ve been bad about blogging, but am hoping to get back into it soon.

  11. pattyabr July 5, 2015 / 8:41 PM

    I feel out of sync too My new job has taken a lot of time to get used to. I’m in a pause in my journey of life. I’m still trying to figure it out. It is so easy to slip into sadness when you have a history with it. Certain triggers will ignite it.

    A reflective poem on your inner feelings.

    • jannatwrites July 19, 2015 / 9:08 PM

      Good to see you around here, Patty. It sounds like life has been busy for you so I’m hoping you find some peace in the changes soon. It’s been over 25 years since I’ve felt this darkness so deeply and for so long. I am hoping for more light as time passes.

  12. Kir Piccini July 6, 2015 / 7:28 AM

    Thinking of you, sending comfort and good thoughts to your heart and so glad to see your words here.
    I lost hope for a long time and little by little it comes back, in bits and pieces. Your heart mends, if only with lots of tape and glue and the right pressure applied.
    I don’t know what is hurting but I am here to say, I’ll be sitting here wishing you hope and healing in every single day. With love.

    • jannatwrites July 19, 2015 / 9:10 PM

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your comment, Kir. I have seen a few glimpses of hope since here, but each day is still a chore. I am hoping time will be the glue that’s needed for healing. I appreciate the kind words and hope you are doing well 🙂

  13. suzicate July 6, 2015 / 9:32 AM

    I’m glad hope is shining through for you. I’ve been thinking about you.

    • jannatwrites July 19, 2015 / 9:11 PM

      Thanks, Suzicate. There are glimpses of hope so I’m searching for more of that 🙂

  14. Sandra July 16, 2015 / 11:42 AM

    Hello, Dear Friend! I know I have gone missing for a long time (though with a good reason). I have been thinking about you even if I haven’t visited in a while. I am both distraught and comforted to read this post, Janna. I hope you are doing okay. (HUGS)

    • jannatwrites July 19, 2015 / 9:13 PM

      It has been a long time since you’ve been around, Sandra – good to “see” you here! I don’t know if I’m okay or not, but I have hope that one day I will be 🙂

  15. Kathy July 16, 2015 / 12:45 PM

    I am been in the throes of depression before and it isn’t fun…at all. I checked my spam folder on my blog today for shits and giggles and was pleasantly surprised to discover several comments from you on several of my stories! You probably think I am really slipping. So sorry. 😛 Like you, I have taken time away from blogging. It is summer, the kids are home from school, there are books to read, and a swimming pool to float in. What can say?? Right this minute, it all seems a little more tantalizing than sitting at a computer racking my addled brains for what to write. Rest assured, I will get back to it and will probably do way more once they go back to school August 12. Right now, writing just doesn’t seem to be a priority. I would rather read, swim, or knit. Hugs to you my dear friend! ♥

  16. pattisj July 17, 2015 / 8:21 PM

    “The waves and wind still know His name.” Listening to It Is Well from Bethel Music (live) and praying for you, Janna. It’s good to see a post from you. And to quote another song, keep glowing in the dark. 🙂 Hugs!

    • jannatwrites July 19, 2015 / 9:14 PM

      Thanks for the prayers and encouraging comment, Patti. I am hoping for more light and feeling something like myself 🙂

  17. GodGirl July 24, 2015 / 9:39 PM

    Beautiful poem. Light does crack into the darkness, somehow x

    • jannatwrites July 27, 2015 / 11:02 PM

      Thanks for reading, God Girl. This darkness has been thick and lengthy… not somewhere I want to linger.

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