I just let go-
my last precarious hold
on my final shred
of battered sanity.
My soul sinks low,
a free-fall plummet
to the depths
of I-don’t-know where.
I’m so alone,
my anguished prayer
is that misery isn’t forever.
Here is where I usually provide my inspiration for the poem. About all I can tell you is that I wrote this poem on Saturday after a particularly gut-wrenching event. I still cry whenever I think about it, which is quite often. Beyond this, I have to leave you to your own interpretations, as it would reveal too much. This brings me to the real point of this post…
For almost five years (in March) I’ve posted regularly, at least twice a week, except for maybe a week off here or there. Circumstances are such that I need to take a longer break. I don’t know if it will be a matter of weeks or months at this point, but I will be back. I love this place and it makes me sad to do this, but with what’s going on, I can’t chance posting my emotions “real time.” I fully intend to fill in some of the details when I’m on “the other side.” Even though I can’t see the other side through the darkness I’m in right now, I expect I will get there. I don’t know who I’ll be at that point. God willing, someone stronger. Maybe more confident, too.
I hope you don’t forget about me during my absence and are willing to get re-acquainted with me when I return. I have many regular readers that I consider friends and I will miss you! I will try to do some reading, but may not comment much. I look forward to the time when I can experience some sort of happiness again and can share it here 🙂
If you are the praying type, I could really use your prayers right now.
Janna, take all the time you need. We will be here when you get back. My heart and prayers are with you, friend. Big hugs to you.
Thanks, Suzicate. I appreciate the prayers 🙂
My prayers are with you, Janna. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through right now and I wish I had the power to do something, even though I know I can’t. My thoughts are with you and all the positive, encouraging thoughts that are mine to give. Take care of yourself. We’ll be here for you when you get back.
Thanks for the prayers, Mel. I’m already looking forward to when I am able to return.
You’re definitely in my prayers, and I’ll look forward to your return.
I appreciate it, Michael 🙂
When you are there at the bottom, beyond the bottom. amongst those bare trees, stripped, naked, vulnerable, God is there to meet you, to lift you up and clothe you with His abounding love, mercy and grace. How do i know? Because I have been there before you and He found me.Life did not become instantly easy. I still have minor battles and skirmishes to go through.And I needed/need human help too. Yet when I felt despair, hopelessness, shame, humiliation and that I had lost or was about to lose much of what I value, He picked me up and set me back on my feet. He accepted me when I thought no-one else did. I hold you in my prayers and rejoice when you return.
Much love, Julia x
In not sure I’ve reached the bottom yet, but I do believe God will see me through this. I appreciate your testimony, encouragement and prayers, Julia!
I’m so sorry Janna! May prayers are with you for healing all the way around.
Thanks, Timothy – I really appreciate it.
You have my prayers.
Best wishes, and God’s blessings as you sort through whatever you are needing to deal with.
Thanks, Bryan. I appreciate the kind words.
Look for the good ~ in music, food, nature, dance, and those who care about you.
“We do not laugh because we are happy . . . we are happy because we laugh.”
Great reminder, Nancy. It’s easy to get sucked into the gray.
Ah, Janna, my heart goes out to you (can you feel my cyber-hug?!) My dear friend, know you will be missed, and we’ll welcome you back whenever you’re ready. I know just what you mean about not posting in “real time,” for fear of exposing oneself too much. Poetry, especially, does that to me! You’re stronger than you think, and God will be right beside you (for those times you don’t think you’re strong at all!). Don’t worry — when God closes a door, He opens a window! Yes, we have to endure trials, but what doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger! Blessings!
I believe I can feel the hugs, Debbie 🙂 I’m sure there will be some lesson in all of this, or some kind of character building, but it doesn’t mean I have to like it 🙂 It will be a good day when I’m able to return.
God loves you. He will never leave you nor forsake you. You are greatly blessed, highly favored and deeply loved. We are praying for you and yours. Rest and be assured that you will be joyful and strong sooner than you think. Blessings to you, Janna…
Thanks, Carol Ann. I do appreciate the prayers. I like the sound of joyful and strong 🙂
Peace to you dear friend. I will keep you in my prayers, and trust that time will be a healing balm. In the meantime, know that others think of you and take comfort in knowing that you are never alone. Blessings…
Thanks, Allen. Time will be a good healer, I think.
Janna, you have many friends that care for you and that are praying for you. Just remember, when God made you, He made you to be the person He wants you to be. Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths. This has been one of my favorite poems http://www.footprints-inthe-sand.com/index.php?page=Poem/Poem.php. You’re very talented and beautiful writer and will be missed. I know you will have the strength to get through your struggles and become the person you are meant to be. Remember Romans 8:28. Take care and I’ll be praying for you
Thanks for your support and kind words, Sean. I look forward to the day when I return, both to the blog and life. I appreciate the prayers 🙂
Your poem is so sad and full of pain. Whatever has happened, you will get through it. Take care of yourself. We’ll be here when you return.
Thinking of you and all best wishes.
Thanks for your support, Sarah Ann. I look forward to coming back.
I have a candle on the altar for you … big hugs … yes, we’ll all be here when you find your way through this … you’re right, misery doesn’t last forever, it just feels like it at the time!
Thanks, Widdershins! Misery sure does seem like it drags on and on.
I am the praying type-and just rest assured, He is there with you through this thing, no matter what it may be. He may not get us out of everything, even though sometimes He does… but one thing I have found true.. He gets us through it… and is there with us every step of the way.
God Bless you
It will be behind you soon… and if not, He will always be beside you.
Thanks for your encouraging words, Sonsofthunder. God can help us through things we never would’ve thought we’d get through.
I’ve walked through this forest, Janna. You may think you’re alone, but there are others holding your hands (even though you may not not feel it at times). Please remember you are loved dearly. You can also share your story and post anonymously on Stories That Must Not Die which is run by a group of very caring bloggers. https://storiesthatmustnotdie.wordpress.com/about/. Also, please feel free to email me if you need to talk xxxx
Thanks so much for your encouraging comment, Dianne. I appreciate the thought. That’s an interesting site idea you linked to. I’ll have to check that out, although my story cannot be told, yet 🙂
I’m sorry to hear about your troubles. I’ll miss you while you’re gone, but I also hope you have time to heal. I’ll be sending healing thoughts your way.
Thanks, EagleAye. I appreciate the thoughts and look forward to returning.
I fully understand the need to take some time off, and for you are always welcome back. I am not the praying type, but I am the caring, and hope for light at coming your way sooner than you hope today.
Thanks, Bjorn. I appreciate the kind thoughts 🙂
My prayers are with you at this time.God will see you through. I am learning that now and letting him in my life. Take care and come back when you are able. I love your work!
Thanks, Tessa! I do appreciate the prayers. I’ve had much struggle lately, as I’m finding that God’s guidance seems to be contrary to what I want. I have to remember, God knows what I need.
I hope your struggles will be short and yes God knows what we need even if we don’t believe so at the time.
Thanks, Tessa. Here’s hoping for some sense of normalcy and direction soon.
Praying for you, Janna. Never give up hope.
Thanks, Catherine – I appreciate it!
It sounds rough 😦 You’ve been on my prayer list lately anyway because you sounded like you’re going through some difficult times. I will stay subscribed to your blog and look forward to its reappearance in my feed. Don’t forget you have a support group here as well, so don’t cut yourself off if you need us, just because you said you’d be taking a break. Take as much or as little time as you need. You’re not alone in this, no matter how alone you may feel at times. ((hugs))
I appreciate your prayers, Knotrune. There have been some dark days here, but am cautiously optimistic that things will improve. Time will tell. When I feel I can write something again, I will return 🙂
Janna, you are in my thoughts, you are in my prayers. Remember that you have many virtual friends to support you through your struggles.
I wish you well, and I hope that you find your way out of this dark place sooner rather than later. Hugs.
Thanks for the prayers and encouraging words, Joanne. I miss writing. I hope the words come back to me soon…
When you are ready, they will come 🙂
Thanks, Joanne 🙂
Neither forget you, nor trust you will be away too long. I am not the praying type, but you are strong do not need my prayers. I am the listener, though, from far away; so if you ever feel the need to share, please email me: firstname.lastname@example.org.
Thanks, Frederick! I appreciate the offer to listen. I am not strong and have spent a lot of time in prayer. I’m getting some sense of clarity, but not all of it is what I wanted to hear 🙂
Stripping down to bare essentials is necessary from time to time to find yourself. You touch nature and it touches you. You seek it’s comfort. The quiet there may help stabilize and awaken the solid roots you to nourish new strength. Nature asks nothing in return. It already has heard all the stories – knows all the paths.
You will survive.
Warm healing thoughts to help you float to a better place from so many. We’ll be waiting when you are up to being your tagline once again – or in any new trail you decide to explore.
Look – there’s sky and a bird calling just for you.
Thanks, Phil. I imagine I will make it through this, and I hope in some way I am better for it. I almost felt like writing for the first time tonight, but decided to catch up on some reading instead. Maybe words will flow again soon, once emotions have cleared enough for them to seep through into coherent thoughts 🙂
I am praying for you. He will not relax his hold on you. He cares for you. Lean into His care.
Thanks so much for the encouragement, Paula. After a time of feeling like I’ve had no direction from God, I’m starting to get a sense of where I should be.
Janna! I am sure you’ll be able to see the other side through the darkness… Even dark phases may entrain light somehow as they give us the strength to move forward and we mature as we search the light. I am sending you all my best wishes and blessings as well. Aquileana ★
Thank you for your kind thoughts, Aquileana. I look forward to getting myself together enough to write again 🙂
Just stopped by to leave a hug…and in all your spare non-blogging time, how about volunteering to wipe up muddy paw prints here…oh, OK. you’re free to go. (basket of warm smiles sent to be used as needed)
Haha, I’d love to help, Phil, but it’s strange – I still don’t have spare time… not sure where it all goes 🙂
Oddly, I know exactly what you mean. Not sure what I’m doing but I’m so busy and the day is gone before you know it. Blog isn’t exactly first in line sometimes. And if the sun reappears today as promised….
It seems there is no shortage of things to do always, Phil!
I can’t like this post, other than to commend you for having the wherewithal and, honestly, the guts to bare yourself in writing or photographic form so often, posting one to two times a week for FIVE YEARS! Congratulate yourself, lady! On the other hand, I’m so saddened to hear that your soul’s “sinking low.” I do send my most fervent hopes and wishes that you will find self-fortitude (which I believe you have within you already) to carry forward. For what it’s worth, I think you’re a wonderful person with a good heart and a lot of talent, all of which shine through on your artistic endeavors here. I’m really glad to have met you in my own tangential way, Janna. Best wishes always!
Thanks for your kind comment, Leigh! I’m not quite at five years, but I hope to be back fully before that date. I appreciate you stopping by and reading. I hope you’ll visit again when I’m back 🙂
Oh Janna… Definitely praying as you navigate this… May you see glimpses of God’s peace and love and comfort during this journey. Take your time, and we will be here when you’re ready to return xx
Thanks for your prayers, GodGirl. I appreciate you stopping by.
I’m sad to see that you are leaving just as I’m coming back from my dark place. I’ve been in a rough spot lately as well. Things get better. Some of the best advice I ever received during my dark times was that “The right thing to do is wait.” Wait to post. Wait to call. Wait to write (as much as that may hurt). Wait to text. Just wait. It sounds cliche, but there is a lot of truth in cliches. Time really does heal. You’ll come out stronger from whatever is going on. Take your time. Be kind to yourself. Write all the things you would never show anyone and then don’t show anyone. You can scrape through it later when you feel better. You might just find some of your best writing hidden in there and you’ll finally be in a better place to edit it all.
All the best.
I’m not leaving for good, David – just a mental health break. I’m glad you are finding your way out of your dark place – I knew from your writings that things have been hard for you. I appreciate your thoughts and advice. I haven’t written since I stopped blogging, but I have a story I’ll be working on tonight.
I come by way of Emilio’s picture prompts that you use. I don’t care to come to my own conclusions because I’m scaring myself. I just wish you well and hope the sun will shine for you soon. Start here 🌞 And work your way up. Prayers and faith coming your way. Gemma
Thanks for stopping by and for the kind thoughts, Firstandfabulous. It is not an easy time for me right now, but there are distractions that do shed some . I appreciate the prayers 🙂
Consider them said. And re-said.
Thank you 🙂
Prayers, warm hugs, positive vibes …. they are all yours. Good luck Janna. Just hold on. You’ll find your way and there seems to be a number of folks who are ready to stretch out their hands if you need one. Consider mine yours anytime you like.
Thanks, M_Elizabeth! Good to see you here. I miss your posts, but I hope you are doing well.
I appreciate your support (and that of so many who have helped along the way.)
My heart hurts for you, and the fact I haven’t been here to pray for you faithfully. I’ll make up for that, now.
Thanks, Patti. I appreciate the prayers. You are really busy, so I understand that sometimes blog visits don’t happen as we plan… I was nearly a week behind, and I’ve stayed up way too late trying to fix that 🙂
That sounds familiar–staying up way too late. I’ve been doing better about that–hence, never getting caught up.
Yep, I’m at it again and have barely made a dent in the In box of my email 🙂
Ha! Good to see you! 🙂 I’ve been trying to do some other things around the house, will probably end up deleting some email. It’s a never-ending battle.
Yeah, I had to delete some of them, too. Shhh… don’t tell 🙂
It’ll be our secret.
I finally got around to reading my reader and I was wondering where is Janna? She usually always posts. Then I come to find this. I don’t really know what to say as I don’t know what is going on, but I respect your need for privacy and reflection. I hope you know that you are strong (we all are) and that there is always the other side. We will be hear when you get back, or as you need. I totally understand about revealing to much in your writing. That tends to happen doesn’t it. Just remember to breathe. That is the answer to everything. Best wishes to you on your path.
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your encouraging comment, momtheobscure. I’ve done a little writing since this, but don’t expect to be more than once a week (if it’s a good week) for a while. I can’t think much about the other side right now, but am looking for the day I look up and finally see it 🙂