Too Close To Know (Poetry & Inspiration)

10-20 web

Gossamer threads

of gauzy dreams

lead me to the precipice

of altered reality.

Meaning unknown,

words scroll through my mind-

a late-night ticker tape,

a restless brain evading sleep.

Forces within, engage

in subconscious battle,

outcome, undetermined;

consequences, unforeseen.

Analysis becomes

a useless exercise in futility.

The obvious is obscured

by intimate familiarity.

~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-

Poetry can be hard to read because often it is vague with little clues as to interpretation. I don’t want to take away your ability to assimilate my words to what you know, but in case you read this poem and came up blank, the following paragraphs give an idea as to where my thoughts were at and what lead to the writing of the poem.

This poem was written over several days, as seemingly random ideas came to mind. The first half in italics occurred as I tried to shut my brain down for the day. My mind doesn’t churn out anything useful after about 11pm, but still, it insists on idling until wee hours. What a waste.  These lines were me trying to find meaning in these fuzzy thoughts.

Now about the last two stanzas…

This morning, I thought about how another weekend away from the computer/internet has left me behind on writing on reading. I used to get worked up over it. Now, it seems, it doesn’t bother me so much. On the surface, it seems like a good thing… going with the flow. Maybe I’ve relaxed- accepting I’ll catch up, because I always do. But of course, being an over-thinker, I couldn’t let it go at that. I began to wonder if this shift was cleverly-disguised complacency; whether I’ll find myself in a few months not even bothering to style my hair, or staring at a black computer screen because I forgot my log in password.  Or worse- not knowing where I my laptop is!

For months, I’ve been unable to determine the root cause of my pseudo-complacency, which has shredded writing goals and given me an excuse to shrug off certain things. The last two stanzas are me acknowledging that maybe I’m just too close to me to figure out exactly what makes me tick.

This could be why I can offer advice to others, but rarely see when I should keep it for myself 🙂

If I can cajole myself into finding some sort of grindstone to put my nose to, I hope to ‘scare’ up some fiction to post later this week. ‘Scare’… October… Halloween… get it?

I know, that was bad! Sadly, I don’t have late-night to blame.

Hope you had a beautiful start to a new week.  Until next time…

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22 thoughts on “Too Close To Know (Poetry & Inspiration)

  1. Carol Ann Hoel October 20, 2014 / 6:38 PM

    Very intriguing thoughts, Janna. I like the first verse a lot, the one for the writing of which you said your brain was shutting down. Not bad for a brain shutting down. The entire poem is easy to read and I like it. Blessings to you, Janna…

    • jannatwrites October 21, 2014 / 12:51 AM

      It was strange how those first lines materialized, Carol Ann. I had to get my phone out and type them into my notes program… they just seemed like something I’d want to ponder later. It took a few days for the second part to come to mind- that happened in the middle of my work day.

  2. nrhatch October 20, 2014 / 6:48 PM

    Going with the flow ~> drifting aimlessly ~> losing motivation and ambition ~> goal less existence ~> procrastination ~> undressed, unwashed, tangled & matted hair ~> bag lady with shopping cart???

    too close to know ~> too soon to tell

    Isn’t it amazing how we can turn “not reading a few blogs” into a dire situation? 😛

    • jannatwrites October 21, 2014 / 12:53 AM

      It’s a slippery slope, Nancy! When I start digging through the dirty clothes hamper to get dressed, I’ll officially start worrying 😛

      We are able to dramatize small events pretty well…

  3. shirleyjdietz October 20, 2014 / 8:32 PM

    Nature and writing have a lot in common. If it were not for seasons that appear as if nothing were happening, nothing would ever burst forth. My theory anyway….

    • jannatwrites October 21, 2014 / 12:54 AM

      I like that analogy, Shirley. I think I’m in somewhat of a resting phase…I’m just tired!

  4. suzicate October 21, 2014 / 6:26 AM

    Love the last two stanzas.
    I hate forgetting my passwords. Just when I finally get them all the same something comes us to make me have to change one and then I can’t remember what it is, ha! It is especially annoying when I have my computer remember them and then it calls for sign in and I’ve forgotten, ugh…

    • jannatwrites October 21, 2014 / 9:55 PM

      Thanks, Suzicate! My work just instituted security measures, which meant I had to change my log on password last week (the one I’ve used for 6 years.) Every day this week, I’ve typed in the wrong password… by the time I learn it, they’ll make me change it again, haha!

  5. Paula J October 21, 2014 / 8:51 AM

    Maybe we are too close to ourselves to see and appreciate what we are and what we have to offer. I love the way you write when you are being authorly, as in the poem and your fiction, but I especially love the way you sound when you are just talking. As in your explanation of what lead up to the poem. Your “voice” is so natural. Steady paced. I think that’s a good thing. It’s like we’re trading letters between friends. And mulling over each other’s insights and questions. It makes you real. A high compliment in today’s literary world. Keep musing, wondering, questioning, and writing. I, for one, love it.

    • jannatwrites October 21, 2014 / 10:03 PM

      What a lovely comment, Paula – thank you. I appreciate your encouraging words and I’m so glad you enjoyed this post. Interesting comments about voice – it’s a concept that has been elusive to me when it comes to my own writing. (Again, perhaps I’m too close to see it!)

  6. christinavarga October 21, 2014 / 11:21 AM

    Absolutely stunning. Nature poetry is one of my favorite forms of poetry to write. I live in the Pacific Northwest and there is SO much breathtaking imagery to write about. Your poetry is chocked full of that deliciousness. I love finding other like-minded poets!

    So happy I came across your blog. I’m loving the eclectic feel of it and am looking forward to reading more! 🙂

    • jannatwrites October 21, 2014 / 10:09 PM

      Thanks so much, Christina! I’m glad you stopped by and enjoyed the poem. I imagine there is much to write about in the Pacific Northwest – much greener than in Arizona, I think 🙂 I appreciate you stopping by – I’ll definitely check out your blog tomorrow!

  7. Kathy Combs (@KathyCombs16) October 21, 2014 / 3:20 PM

    Your poem was brilliant and mesmerizing. Loved the language you used. I have found that stepping away is needed then you can come back and the words flow once again. I have never read anything you have written that I didn’t like. You are plain awesome and I am so glad I have discovered you in the blogosphere. Your stories and poems are brilliant gems that outshine anything else I read anywhere else.

    • jannatwrites October 22, 2014 / 1:05 AM

      You’re right about stepping away, Kathy… I just need to trust that if I step away, I will come back to what I was doing before the break. I’m happy that you enjoy reading what I write. I’m glad our paths crossed as well (through Trifecta, I believe) as I like visiting your space as well 🙂

  8. agjorgenson October 21, 2014 / 5:35 PM

    Thanks for the reflections. It is interesting how many blogs I have read this last little while on the topic of the task of writing: writing about writing seems to be in the air (mine too!). Also, loved the photo and the poem, and appreciated the prose too.

    • jannatwrites October 22, 2014 / 1:07 AM

      Thanks, Allen. Maybe there is something about writing going around 🙂

  9. Lance October 23, 2014 / 6:34 PM

    Lovely

  10. Sarah Ann October 26, 2014 / 6:54 AM

    Those last four lines are so true. But sometimes we have to go with our inner flow – reducing our desire for reading and writing might mean we’ve been doing too much of both (yes, that is my wishful thinking). I don’t think you’ll end up not doing your hair, and I’ve noticed you’ve scared up plenty of fiction.

    • jannatwrites October 27, 2014 / 10:04 AM

      Well, if today is any indication, the hair has been sacrificed 🙂 I do think it’s about time for a break. I think I need to ease up on the fiction I post here… not enough time time to do that and my novel…

  11. Imelda October 27, 2014 / 6:53 AM

    Thank you for sharing with us your thoughts. First, you should write more poetry. When the story words fail you, write your poems. 🙂

    Maybe, you needed a break. Writing is an intense activity. Just savor life and chances are, in the process, you will find that spark to write about. 🙂

    • jannatwrites October 27, 2014 / 10:25 AM

      I might write more poetry, Imelda. I’m having a problem with time – I can’t write weekly fiction and work on my novel and I’m feeling the pull of my novel again. A break might be in order, too… before I break! (Truth is, I rather like the distraction of writing, though 🙂 )

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