of gauzy dreams
lead me to the precipice
of altered reality.
words scroll through my mind-
a late-night ticker tape,
a restless brain evading sleep.
Forces within, engage
in subconscious battle,
a useless exercise in futility.
The obvious is obscured
by intimate familiarity.
Poetry can be hard to read because often it is vague with little clues as to interpretation. I don’t want to take away your ability to assimilate my words to what you know, but in case you read this poem and came up blank, the following paragraphs give an idea as to where my thoughts were at and what lead to the writing of the poem.
This poem was written over several days, as seemingly random ideas came to mind. The first half in italics occurred as I tried to shut my brain down for the day. My mind doesn’t churn out anything useful after about 11pm, but still, it insists on idling until wee hours. What a waste. These lines were me trying to find meaning in these fuzzy thoughts.
Now about the last two stanzas…
This morning, I thought about how another weekend away from the computer/internet has left me behind on writing on reading. I used to get worked up over it. Now, it seems, it doesn’t bother me so much. On the surface, it seems like a good thing… going with the flow. Maybe I’ve relaxed- accepting I’ll catch up, because I always do. But of course, being an over-thinker, I couldn’t let it go at that. I began to wonder if this shift was cleverly-disguised complacency; whether I’ll find myself in a few months not even bothering to style my hair, or staring at a black computer screen because I forgot my log in password. Or worse- not knowing where I my laptop is!
For months, I’ve been unable to determine the root cause of my pseudo-complacency, which has shredded writing goals and given me an excuse to shrug off certain things. The last two stanzas are me acknowledging that maybe I’m just too close to me to figure out exactly what makes me tick.
This could be why I can offer advice to others, but rarely see when I should keep it for myself 🙂
If I can cajole myself into finding some sort of grindstone to put my nose to, I hope to ‘scare’ up some fiction to post later this week. ‘Scare’… October… Halloween… get it?
I know, that was bad! Sadly, I don’t have late-night to blame.
Hope you had a beautiful start to a new week. Until next time…