Hate Has Its Place

01-29 Hate

Several times a week, I sit with my younger son (he’s in second grade) and he reads to me.  I would love for this to happen every day, but sometimes life doesn’t cooperate.  That’s another post for another day!  Anyway, as he read the chapter book, my son substituted “bleep” for a word.

I halted his reading and we went back and read the sentence.  Sure enough, there was a four –letter word that he’s been trained since preschool not to ever utter- under any circumstances.  Right there in black and white, “hate” glared out from the page.  Shocking, isn’t it?

Okay, I’m being facetious here, but this did trigger some thoughts.

It’s admirable that language is being monitored (censored?) in an effort to reduce negative speech, but I wonder if it really hurts any less to have one kid tell another, “I dislike you more than liver and onions” rather than the old-school, “I hate you.”

I follow the belief that if I don’t have anything nice to say, shut my trap.  If something about someone bothers me so much that I’m tempted to fire a verbal missile, avoid that person.  If I’m about to say/write something that knocks another person down, do the world a favor and don’t.  Simple, right?

I don’t think banning the word “hate” from our vocabulary does anything for removing it from our hearts.  Here’s another thing- hate is kind of like bacteria:  there’s good and bad varieties.  If we eradicate the good, productive hate then everything goes wonky.

Hate is a passionate dislike of something.  Bad hate is directed at others with the intent to harm.  It hurts feelings, brings tears and burdens another’s heart.  Bad hate is a tangled knot in the threads that bind us together.  Bad hate is toxic.

But hate has its place.

Let me tell you some of the things I hate.  I hate bullying and any behavior that implies one person is better than another.  I hate the fact there are children without loving homes.  I hate that not everyone has enough food to eat, while my hunger is not out of necessity or circumstances.  I hate when differences of opinion turn to personal attacks.  I hate when animals are abused, I hate discrimination for any reason, I hate that we so often turn our backs claiming, “There’s nothing I can do…”

I could go on, but I won’t.

I believe passionately disliking something is the first step in passionately and consciously deciding not to ignore it.  In this way, hate can foster caring.

If you disagree with me, that’s okay.  I don’t hate you for that 😛

What do you hate?  I’d love for you to share your thoughts.


40 thoughts on “Hate Has Its Place

  1. vishalbheeroo January 29, 2014 / 5:12 AM

    I love the post about hate and it’s high time to remove it from the hearts of people in a bid to spread positive feelings. Hehe! We are humans and we do hate some things or another, read bad behavior, corruption, poverty and pervs.
    Cheerz, Jannat:)

    • jannatwrites January 30, 2014 / 12:43 AM

      Removing it from hearts – so right, Vishal! I’m with you on your list of hates… thanks for adding 🙂

  2. suzicate January 29, 2014 / 7:13 AM

    The words “hate” and “liar” were banned from our house as children. As an adult I seldom use the word hate (not sure why ‘liar’ was banned), but I do hate the same things you do. I dislike many things, but hate is too strong to describe the sentiment. Like you, I just usually keep my trap shut.

    • jannatwrites January 30, 2014 / 12:45 AM

      I think it’s good to be mindful and use hate sparingly. We didn’t have restrictions on our use of hate, as long as it wasn’t directed at people. (I was never scolded for ‘hating’ math!) Thanks for stopping by, Suzicate.

  3. ladyharvey January 29, 2014 / 7:54 AM

    I agree with you that changing the wording has limited effect. Wouldn’t it be great if kids were taught in school how to deal with their feelings in a positive/constructive way rather than taught not to say the word? Not being a parent there maybe great schools that do that if so I’d love to know about them and send my future kids there:)

    • jannatwrites January 30, 2014 / 12:46 AM

      That would be nice, Ladyharvey. Teachers have so many kids to tend to in the classroom, and standardized tests to teach for, I don’t think they have much time for that kind of education 🙂

  4. Sandra January 29, 2014 / 8:54 AM

    I love this post! I was just thinking about the negativity of “hate” the other day, and I feel as though this post just filled in all the blanks I had in my head. I hate all the inequalities that still exist in this world. I hate that people hurt each other, physically and emotionally. Most of all, right now, I HATE this cold weather. But I really love your “personal” posts, Janna!

    • jannatwrites January 30, 2014 / 12:49 AM

      I’m so glad this post related to your recent ponderings, Sandra! It just kind of formed after the big ordeal of skipping the word. Your part of the country is pretty frosty right now… I hope you get a reprieve soon.

      Thanks for your nice comment about my ‘personal’ posts – It’s good to know someone enjoys them 🙂

  5. Saul Weber January 29, 2014 / 9:11 AM

    In regards to the issue of the acceptance of others for who they are and not what they are;
    I’d love to invite everyone to check out my award winning children’s book “A Lesson My Cat Taught Me”. The lesson the book tries to conveys this very important lesson.. The book is geared for children between the ages of 5 – 8. There is a scene in the book where Hillary, who’s in a wheelchair, gets teased by her new classmates, and Jennifer tries to help Hillary in this situation; children can be quite cruel to each other without realizing it.

    The book is available on Amazon = [ edit: link removed]

    I’ve recently added the book on Barnes & Noble

    [ edit: link removed]

    Please share this information with your friends and family

    THANKS for your kind support

    Have a great HUMPDAY   

    • jannatwrites January 31, 2014 / 10:04 PM

      Hi there, Saul,
      Your comment remained in moderation because I’d not had a chance to read closely to determine if it was spam. I have much going on outside of writing and this blog so sometimes it can take a few days for me to catch up.

      I approved your comment, but removed the links. Interested parties can search Amazon or B&N by your name or book title.

      In your second comment, you jumped to an erroneous conclusion in assuming that my delay in approving your comment was due to me not accepting you for who you are. Also, you did more than merely ‘mention’ your book. This was a full-fledged plug with loose reference to the content of my post. I understand you have a living to make so I won’t fault you for that 🙂

      I hope you have a terrific weekend!

  6. Carol Ann Hoel January 29, 2014 / 10:24 AM

    I hate unintentionally hurting someone I love. I hate knowing that many people are hurting. I hate human trafficking. I hate street violence. I could go on and on for a long while, but I can sum up quickly by saying that I hate evil. I like your post very much!

    • jannatwrites January 30, 2014 / 12:51 AM

      I hate those things too, Carol Ann. Evil likes to hide behind the word ‘hate’ and I feel like we win just a little when we can wield hate for “good”. I’m glad you like this post – thank you 🙂

  7. Debbie January 29, 2014 / 11:20 AM

    Well said, Janna. I’m not totally sure that banning a word succeeds in eradicating it (or its feelings). I think a better course of action is to teach kids how to handle angry feelings in a positive way and to show them that we ALL occasionally have reason to “hate” something.

    I, too, was raised that if I didn’t have anything nice to say, to not say anything at all. Some of the things I truly dislike, however, include stupidity, meanness, cruelty, disinterest, and dishonesty.

    • jannatwrites January 30, 2014 / 12:54 AM

      Your approach is reasonable, Debbie! Banning the word is just treating the symptom (anger.)

      I’m in agreement with your dislikes. Stupidity made me smile, though. For some reason it made me think of how I seem to encounter more ‘stupid’ people when I’m in a rush, or a bad mood. I suppose that might mean I’m part of the category 🙂

  8. philosophermouseofthehedge January 29, 2014 / 11:35 AM

    Nicely said. Words are a starting point for understanding and discussion(age appropiate) – then moving on. To ignore “hate” is to give it power. It’s like a roach…runs from light of truth and reason.
    Yea, Mom!

    • jannatwrites January 30, 2014 / 12:55 AM

      I like your thought, Phil – ignoring hate does give it power. The roach comparison made me shiver… I HATE roaches 🙂 Thanks so much for reading and contributing your comment.

  9. nrhatch January 29, 2014 / 12:26 PM

    Ditto your list . . . and your thoughts.

    I find myself saying “I love [something]” far more often than I say “I hate [anything].”

    My favorite quote with “hate” in it:

    “I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals. I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants.” ~ Brown

    • jannatwrites January 30, 2014 / 12:56 AM

      I use ‘love’ much more often, too, Nancy!

      I LOVE your quote 🙂

  10. Imelda January 29, 2014 / 2:02 PM

    I hate lies and deceit. In fact, I skip pages upon pages of books and TV scenes just to skip the part where bad people plot their trickery.

    • jannatwrites January 30, 2014 / 12:57 AM

      Wow, you really do hate that, Imelda! I’ve not skipped the scheming when reading… it gives fascinating insight into the dark recesses of the human mind (which can be a scary place.)

  11. diannegray January 29, 2014 / 3:10 PM

    I find it odd that any word would be banned and I would be surprised as well if my child was reading and they bleeped out the word hate. The word in itself isn’t the problem, it’s the way it’s used.
    I hate all the things you have listed and I also hate wind (having just been through a very gale-force night). But just because I hate wind, doesn’t mean I wish it harm (and I guess that’s the point).

    • jannatwrites January 30, 2014 / 12:59 AM

      It was strange when it happened, Dianne. You’re right – it’s the use (and the heart behind it) that isn’t good. I’ve hated wind before and I haven’t even been in gale-force. I hope you have some calm weather today!

  12. Lauren January 29, 2014 / 4:50 PM

    Nice reflection, here. I agree, banning words is not the solution. Some other word or saying would only take it’s place. Cute take on that with the ‘liver and onions’ statement. Ha ha.

    • jannatwrites January 30, 2014 / 1:00 AM

      Yes! That’s where my thoughts were, Lauren. Kids get creative about expressing their dislike while skirting around the use of ‘hate’… they still get their point across, though. Thanks so much for reading and sharing your comment!

  13. Kathy Combs (@Kathy29156) January 30, 2014 / 2:02 PM

    I was always taught if I had nothing nice to say then to not say anything. I hate all the same things you do.

    • jannatwrites January 31, 2014 / 11:43 AM

      Good practice, I think, Kathy! Good to see we’re on the same page 🙂 Thanks for stopping by!

  14. librarylady January 30, 2014 / 6:46 PM

    Good post, it got me thinking. I hate it when one of my kids makes a bad decision that I know will hurt them in the long run, but they are adults and I can no longer step in and advise, unless they ask of course. I hate lying awake at 4:00 in the morning worrying about things that I can’t do anything about until business hours. I hate not having enough time to write, but I love that I love my job which takes up all of my writing time.

    • jannatwrites January 31, 2014 / 11:48 AM

      I imagine it is going to be difficult when I have to step away and allow my kids to make (and live with) their own decisions. I won’t think about that right now 🙂 Thanks for stopping by to share your hates/love, Librarylady. It’s good your job is fulfilling… it kind of makes up for the time you can’t dedicate to other things.

  15. Eric Alagan January 30, 2014 / 7:05 PM

    Hate is a strong word but does have its uses. You are right, Janna dear, there is destructive hate and productive/positive hate.

    I subcribe to what you say – say good or not at all, simply avoid that person or situation.

    Peace and blessings,

    • jannatwrites January 31, 2014 / 11:49 AM

      Yes, hate is powerful and it’s up to us whether we use it to destroy or build. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on hate, Eric 🙂

  16. agjorgenson January 30, 2014 / 7:17 PM

    Agreed. Censorship needs to be monitored vigilantly.

  17. Eleni January 30, 2014 / 10:59 PM

    I like the idea of a good hate, a little bit like righteous anger. As for me, I confess that I hate political correctness (when taken to the nth degree!)

    • jannatwrites January 31, 2014 / 11:57 AM

      Righteous anger… I like that, Eleni. You’re right – political correctness can be taken to ridiculous levels 🙂

  18. GodGirl February 1, 2014 / 1:15 AM

    I think the word hate has such strong connotations – I suppose it’s a scary word because of what we know it can lead to. Hate, contained, can be a healthy thing – as long as the bitterness doesn’t eat away at us, stopping us from forgiving others…
    I totally agree with you – passionate anger is vital in determining what we will fight for or against. In a sense, it’s the opposite of indifference/ apathy. And who wants that!

    • jannatwrites February 2, 2014 / 4:30 PM

      You ‘get’ what I meant by this post, GodGirl! Here’s to channeling hate into determining what we should speak up for 🙂

  19. Michael February 2, 2014 / 5:48 AM

    Well, at the moment, I have a very strong dislike bordering on hate for Punxsutawney Phil. Six more weeks of winter, my eye. Stupid groundhog. Grr.

    • jannatwrites February 2, 2014 / 4:35 PM

      Hahaha… I do sense some definite animosity toward Phil and his (lack of) skills 🙂 Winters are mild where I live, so I pay that silly groundhog no mind 🙂

  20. pattisj February 4, 2014 / 8:40 PM

    I hate human trafficking, and everything on your list.

    • jannatwrites February 4, 2014 / 9:09 PM

      Human trafficking is a horrible and shocking. Thanks for adding to the hate list, Patti!

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