The Inevitable

Here I am.

Again.

Surrounded by flat-roofed buildings of stucco, I stand in front of the architectural anomaly.  Dé·jà vu, yet this time is different.  I can feel it.

The familiar embraces me, though I try to resist.  I grab a deep breath; and then gather shaky strength-and my worries- to my chest.  I burst through the red door of the quaint 2-room shack.

Bells jingle, bravery wavers.

No turning back.

I shift my eyes upward, gaze traveling past the sloped chalet roof.  A prayer seeps from my soul, tears down my cheeks.  She pulls me aside.  Jumbled words are offered- matters of fact, of little comfort.

What to expect?

Unknown.

Weight bears down on me, indecision paralyzes.  There’s not much to analyze, no past to rationalize.

I bide my time, delay goodbye.

Never easy, these decisions of death and

Life.

Josie resting on my husband's slipper.
Josie resting on my husband’s slipper.

~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-

This piece isn’t at all uplifting, but I can’t muster uplifting today.  Sorry.  Maybe later in the week.  When we took in our Yorkie, Josie, two years ago this past Thanksgiving, we didn’t know if we’d have a week, a year, or more with her.  At ten years old, she was surrendered to the vet because of seizures.  When they asked, we ultimately couldn’t say no.  What if she had more life in her?  We cared for her and fell in love with her.  She became family.

Today, I woke up to her in the worst state I’ve seen her.  I rushed her to the vet and they are keeping her comfortable until this afternoon.  When my husband gets home from work, we’ll go see her.  We’ll have to decide if it is “time.”  We knew this day would come, but I’m still not ready for it.

UPDATE:  Josie showed no improvement by that afternoon.  We made the decision to say goodbye to her so she wouldn’t suffer.  She will be missed.

~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-

TrifectaPicture11-1This is my response to Trifecta’s weekly writing prompt, which is to write a piece between 33 and 333 words (mine is 142) using the following word/definition:

QUAINT (adjective): 3a : unusual or different in character or appearance :  ODD;   b : pleasingly or strikingly old-fashioned or unfamiliar <a quaint phrase> –

The challenge is open to anyone, so if you’re inspired, click on the tricycle image to view complete guidelines and submit a link to your own response!  Have a beautiful Monday 🙂

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92 thoughts on “The Inevitable

    • jannatwrites January 20, 2014 / 12:15 PM

      Thanks, Susan. I had so many plans today… all replaced by eating chocolate frosting out of the container while watching romantic comedies on Netflix 🙂

  1. tedstrutz January 20, 2014 / 12:02 PM

    My heart goes out to you both, JannaT. It is the worst. After reading your explanation I reread your story… bells jingle, bravery wavers… I can picture the building and know the feeling.

    • jannatwrites January 20, 2014 / 12:25 PM

      Thanks for the kind words, Ted. It’s never easy to say goodbye, but it would be worse to have never loved them at all 🙂

    • jannatwrites January 20, 2014 / 12:27 PM

      Thanks, Kelly. I’m not looking forward to this afternoon at all. Part of me thinks maybe it’s not as bad as I think, but the other part suspects I’m in denial.

  2. paulmclem January 20, 2014 / 12:57 PM

    The mother of our two dogs was getting put to sleep today. I told them about it, and part of me thinks they understood….maybe not.

    • jannatwrites January 20, 2014 / 7:47 PM

      That’s sad, Paul. I wonder if they did sense what you were saying to them. I think animals understand more than we think.

  3. widdershins January 20, 2014 / 1:41 PM

    Losing our furry family members is so painful. I have a candle on the altar for you all.

    • jannatwrites January 20, 2014 / 7:48 PM

      Thanks so much, Widdershins. We did have to say goodbye to Josie this afternoon.

    • jannatwrites January 20, 2014 / 7:48 PM

      Thanks, Gina. I appreciate the thoughts.

  4. steph January 20, 2014 / 2:26 PM

    I’m approaching this myself with my aging cat. He’s sick and I’m not sure he’ll pull out of it this time. Maybe, but the next time won’t be too far in the future. I’ve been through it before with dogs and cats, and will probably do it again, as I can’t imagine not having an animal in the house. It’s awful. You think because you’ve prepared for it that it’ll be ok, you can do it without too much trauma and tears, but you never can. I console myself, as I’m sure you do, knowing you gave her a good home and a good life for the time she was with you. Sending hugs..

    • jannatwrites January 20, 2014 / 7:55 PM

      Your comment made me tear up (for the umpteenth time today.) We’re never ready for it. We also have a 15-year-old Yorkie Poo, so we may be through it again sooner than later. I also couldn’t imagine not having pets. Every time we go through this, I say I won’t get anymore pets. But that’s just silly, really, to avoid all the years of love all because of the pain of losing them. I’m sorry you could be facing the same situation, Steph. My thoughts are with you. Thanks so much for your comment and for understanding.

  5. diannegray January 20, 2014 / 4:15 PM

    Oh no, Janna. Sending you big virtual hugs my dear friend 😦

    • jannatwrites January 20, 2014 / 7:58 PM

      Thanks, Dianne! I appreciate the thoughts. Tomorrow will be better, right? 🙂

  6. Lance January 20, 2014 / 4:42 PM

    we treat our 8-year-old golden retriever and almost 3-year-old cat like children, not pets.

    My heart aches for you guys.

    Hugs

    • jannatwrites January 20, 2014 / 8:00 PM

      They are like children… cute little furry children that don’t talk back to us 🙂 Thanks for your thoughts, Lance. It was so hard to say goodbye, but I think it was time. She didn’t improve at all throughout the day and I’d hate to see her suffer.

  7. kathy29156 January 20, 2014 / 5:43 PM

    Oh how terribly sad. My heart goes with you! Many hugs and may God comfort you through this. I am so sorry! ♥

    • jannatwrites January 20, 2014 / 8:01 PM

      Thanks, Kathy. I feel kind of bad for being a bummer today. Tomorrow, I will focus on writing something with more hope 🙂

  8. Sandra January 20, 2014 / 6:31 PM

    I’m so sorry, Janna. I wish it weren’t so. I know how it feels, so you are all in my thoughts. (((HUGS))).

    • jannatwrites January 20, 2014 / 8:04 PM

      Thanks, Sandra. I really appreciate your comment and your thoughts.

  9. mystisized January 20, 2014 / 7:52 PM

    so sad…
    well written though.
    Thanks for the comment.

    Tye

    • jannatwrites January 20, 2014 / 8:06 PM

      Thanks for reading, Tye – sorry to be so down today. Tomorrow has to be better!

  10. nadig7 January 21, 2014 / 2:10 AM

    So sad 😦 * hugs *

  11. LittleWhiteDove January 21, 2014 / 2:28 AM

    Beautifully written, and I’m so sorry to hear you had to say goodbye to your furry friend.

    • jannatwrites January 21, 2014 / 10:51 PM

      Thanks, LittleWhiteDove. I appreciate you reading 🙂

  12. Debbie January 21, 2014 / 12:00 PM

    Janna, I’m sending big hugs to All of you — I know how hard it is, putting down a beloved pet. Never seems to matter whether you’ve had them two years or twenty. They become part of your family, and it hurts so much to see them go. Condolences.

    • jannatwrites January 21, 2014 / 10:53 PM

      Thanks for your kind words, Debbie. I have five other furry kids to keep me occupied, but my thoughts do frequently drift to Josie.

  13. Eric Alagan January 22, 2014 / 12:34 AM

    When we love – we risk…..

    Much hugz coming your way, Janna dear.

    • jannatwrites January 23, 2014 / 1:15 AM

      Very true, Eric! The love is still worth it, though. Thanks for your comment and thoughts.

  14. atrm61 January 22, 2014 / 7:53 AM

    Goodbyes are always tough but I believe and hope you do too-its.only till we meet again-so you shall meet your Josie ,Janna.Sending you hugs and loads of love to Josie,tc xx

    • jannatwrites January 23, 2014 / 1:18 AM

      Thank you for your sweet comment, Atreyee! I do know that goodbye isn’t forever, and that it wouldn’t have been fair to prolong her suffering, but the selfish part of me still mourns the loss.

      • atrm61 January 28, 2014 / 8:37 AM

        Yes Janna,I understand-that is one of the reasons I have resisted my daughter’s pleas for keeping a pet

        • jannatwrites January 28, 2014 / 8:46 AM

          Having the love of a pet of still worth it, though. (I write this as my son’s orange tabby cat is sleeping on my lap.)

        • atrm61 January 28, 2014 / 9:03 AM

          I guess,yes or ppl would not keep pets but still a big no from me-am happy without that love 😛 Glad you have others to keep you feeling loved -like this orange tabby-Garfield! 😀

        • jannatwrites January 28, 2014 / 9:10 PM

          Haha! I grew up around animals, so I guess that’s why the house feels lonely without them. Cats are easier to care for than dogs, though 🙂

        • atrm61 January 29, 2014 / 12:56 AM

          Yes they are more independent-my Mom in law had 18 cats-all strays-but living with her and 8 dogs-phew!My mom was a cat person-also loved white mice-eeks!No wonder my daughter is such an animal enthusiast!By the way I made her start a blog-she has written for FF & DVerse-will try to make her write for Trifecta too some day:-)Oh one more thing,is your name Jannat?I always assumed it is Janna T 😛

        • jannatwrites January 30, 2014 / 12:36 AM

          How fun that your daughter started a blog, Atreyee. Hope she does try Trifecta. (I’m sitting it out this week- no time to read the entries so it’s not really fair of me to put something out there!)

          My name is Janna T… some interpret it as Jannat, though. I haven’t decided what last name I want to use online, which is why I just use the initial 🙂

        • atrm61 January 30, 2014 / 1:13 PM

          I posted mine today-a hurried fare-tried to cram a lot into one day-running now with responding-bed is calling me-early morning tomorrow-read & commented on all the 82 odd Trifecta entries-glad they were only 33 -phew!More reading awaits tomorrow-no idea how ppl write,read and comment so much-it overwhelms me and then i hide,lol!Sam may not write for Trifecta-she feels the judgement is not always fair 😛

          Am glad I got your name right then Janna-you did not sound like a “Jannat” to me but when I saw some addressing you thus,was a bit confused :-)You tc and see you soon.How is your book coming on?

        • jannatwrites January 30, 2014 / 1:26 PM

          Eighty-two entries. Eeeps! Judging is so subjective, but many times my favorites are not what ‘win’. If I wrote for the win, I’d just give up 😛 (My wins except for one, have been community votes. Maybe the community vote would be more fulfilling for your daughter. She could also try Speakeasy – I’ve been doing that one for a few months and there are some Trifecta folks that write there, too. In fact, Suzanne Purkis (Lucid Edit) is one of the editors…that’s why I tried it. I love her writing.

          Thanks for asking about my book, Atreyee. Right now, it’s not coming along (just temporarily). I decided it would be good for me to try to submit stuff for contests and literary magazines. I’m working on a couple stories (due Feb 1) and I’ve been rather brain-dumb. Any other time, I have an idea and go with it, but I’ve been over-thinking these. After several starts and deletes, I think I have the second story going. Will try again tonight to get them right! Once that’s done, I will get back into dedicating time on the novel. I may cut back on writing challenges to gain a little more writing time. I’ll just have to see how it goes…

        • atrm61 January 30, 2014 / 8:45 PM

          I so agree Janna and as the number of entries increase,it becomes crazier!No,Sam is not concerned about her winning or losing-she considers herself too raw to compete anyways,lol!Her observation came from all my reading out to her the Trifecta entries over the last year or so-she is aware if all the lovely friends I have made-my fav writers etal.Re your community wins -they were very well deserved-I myself have voted for you a few times:-)What I feel is that though not everyone cares if they win or not,yet,everyone deserves a pat on the back once in a while ,unless of course you are a terrible writer,lol!And its not that they are giving you money or some citation.Well,as for me,I have stopped caring about winning sp cos now with one contest less,it has become tougher and too many amazing writers(needless to mention you are one of them)-maybe some years hence,I can get to that level-hope is that eternal bird you know 😉

          Yep,I have been eyeing speakeasy for the last two weeks but haven’t been able to come up with a good idea to write-have already subscribed-have told Sam about it and she said she would like to try-the coming week I hope to participate.Yes Suzanne is superb-I just tend to fall in love everytime I read her pieces-such rich vocab and imagery:-)

          Oh,I can understand a bit about that-sometimes,we need to step back and take a break-am sure you will come out roses and your book will be one of the best sellers-your writing is awesome!All the best on the contests too.My email id is [edited] -would love to hear from you,tc &^ God bless,love u xx

        • jannatwrites January 31, 2014 / 11:56 AM

          I’ve enjoyed your writing, Atreyee… and I do think your stories are getting even stronger (you do murder well 🙂 ) It’s easier to keep up with one prompt a week, but it does cut opportunities for placing in the top three.

          I wish I had your confidence about my writing 😛 I’ll just take it a week at a time. It may take me all of 2014 to get through the drafts and edits, but that’s okay. Oh, I edited your comment to remove your email address so you don’t get spam emails. I’ve added it to my address book, though. I’ll definitely keep in touch. I read most of your posts (depends on my level of busy here), even when I don’t have time or brain power to comment!

        • atrm61 January 31, 2014 / 1:19 PM

          Thank you Janna-you are one of the few who have continuously supported me when I had no idea what I was doing-reading your work has taught me a lot & more than that I am glad ti have a friend in you:-)I agree-it has given me the opportunity to take on other challenges and am liking the variety-as time passes,I think i will become bolder,lol!

          Ah,I knew you were intelligent so refrained from mentioning that-good girl:-)Look forward to hearing from you whenever you have time.

          I also understand that writing a novel is a whole ballgame altogether and unless you have fine tuned it and are satisfied ,its no use pushing it on to a publisher’s desk or wherever you send it-am sure when you are ready,you will know and it will be a great success-am very excited about it-imagine knowing areal author-I can then toot to the world that I know a best selling author-she is friend-yay! 🙂

          And yes I know you always read and try to comment but time is at premium for all of us(I have missed reading/commenting a few times as well)and I definitely appreciate that and value your support more than I can say ((hugs)) ,love you,tc & GN from me-hubby is off on a tour early tomorrow-have to get up in about 3 & half hours,eeks!lol!See u

        • jannatwrites January 31, 2014 / 10:16 PM

          Haha… you’re funny, Atreyee! When I finish this novel, I’m going to try for a literary agent again (gave up on the first one- I don’t think I was ready.)

          I think you’ll get bolder and more adventurous the longer you do the challenges. And I’m glad I get to watch that happen 🙂

        • atrm61 February 1, 2014 / 4:37 AM

          😀 Am so looking forward to your being published and my getting “bolder”-thank God for the “b” in there,lol!

        • jannatwrites February 2, 2014 / 4:30 PM

          Hahaha… yes, the “b” is an excellent addition to the word ‘older’ 🙂

        • atrm61 February 2, 2014 / 11:42 PM

          😀

  15. KymmInBarcelona January 22, 2014 / 8:08 AM

    It’s a tough one, all right. So sorry, Janna!
    btw, I think bravery should always waver (loved that line).

    • jannatwrites January 23, 2014 / 1:19 AM

      Thanks, Kymm. I’m glad you liked that line. Bravery isn’t always as strong as we believe it to be 🙂

  16. Lala Rukh January 22, 2014 / 11:02 AM

    I can actually feel your mood because I am going through the same…. I know good byes are painful….and I know words can’t heal that pain. But still, Love you !

    • jannatwrites January 23, 2014 / 1:22 AM

      I’m so sorry you can relate, Lala. Your kind words (and time) do help. Thank you 🙂 My thoughts are with you, too.

  17. Quickstepp January 22, 2014 / 11:07 AM

    So sorry to hear this. It’s the only draw back of loving an animal, we are bound to outlive them. My 18 year-old cat is nearing her time. Each day I know may be “the day”. And it sucks. But I wouldn’t trade those 18 years for anything. Sending hugs to you and Josie.

    • jannatwrites January 23, 2014 / 1:24 AM

      I’m so sorry you are living this, Mel. It’s so hard when they are sick and it’s a constant reminder that one day, they won’t be here.

      • Quickstepp January 23, 2014 / 8:38 AM

        Thanks. It truly sucks, but we’re lucky to have them by our sides for the brief time we have.

  18. nrhatch January 22, 2014 / 7:32 PM

    I didn’t see this in my reader until tonight. So sad to say good-bye to our furry friends. Sorrow is the price we pay for the joy of having them in our life.

    • jannatwrites January 23, 2014 / 1:28 AM

      Well-stated, Nancy. The joy they bring during their lives is worth going through the pain of losing them. When I say goodbye to one, I always say that I won’t get any more pets… but I know that’s not true!

  19. shawnbrucepruett January 23, 2014 / 1:59 AM

    I just watched the documentary, last night, How to Die in Oregon. Although it deals with humans, not furrbabies, it seems like the most humane thing to do to either, in such a condition. I have 5 doggies, I dread the days when their time will also come. So sorry for the pain you must be suffering. Heart.

    • jannatwrites January 23, 2014 / 11:49 PM

      We can’t think about the end though- just enjoy the happiness they bring us now. We have two other dogs and three cats, so we will likely be here again. Thanks for reading and sharing your kind words, Shawn!

  20. lisashambrook January 23, 2014 / 3:54 AM

    Desperately difficult time…hope it works out…

    • jannatwrites January 23, 2014 / 11:50 PM

      Thanks, Lisa. We will miss our girl…

  21. agjorgenson January 23, 2014 / 7:55 PM

    Peace to you in this. Animals are gifts to us, and it is always hard to ponder goodbye to those we love.

    • jannatwrites January 23, 2014 / 11:51 PM

      Thanks, Allen! I adore animals and get so attached to them.

  22. Imelda January 23, 2014 / 8:57 PM

    I am sorry to hear this news, Janna. I hope that all goes well.

    • jannatwrites January 23, 2014 / 11:53 PM

      Thanks, Imelda. I appreciate you stopping by 🙂

  23. Renada Styles January 24, 2014 / 11:10 AM

    I’m so sorry. I cried for days when we put our dog down last summer. Those last few lines really sum it up right.

    • jannatwrites January 24, 2014 / 11:23 PM

      Thanks, Renada. I’m glad you felt the last lines were accurate, but I’m sorry you can relate to the emotions. I appreciate you reading this!

  24. Momo January 24, 2014 / 6:13 PM

    Oh Janna, my heart breaks for you reading this. Sending you so much love. You wrote this beautifully, particularly for being right in the midst of it happening. oxox my friend.

    • jannatwrites January 24, 2014 / 11:29 PM

      Thanks, Momo. I appreciate you reading and sharing your kind words of support! It was hard to write, but it helped to write something for Josie.

  25. Rebecca January 24, 2014 / 7:58 PM

    First of all, I am so sorry for your loss. I know exactly the pain of losing a beloved pet. I had to put two dogs down, one from cancer, and the other from seizures that wouldn’t stop. It was so heartbreaking I told my husband I couldn’t handle the loss of another dog. So we took in cats. Like that would be different. What was I thinking? Three more heartbreaks to go. And then there’s my daughter two pups that have stayed with me for the last six months due to a fire in her place. My heart now belongs to them. Dammit! I’ve no business owning animals because my heart is too sensitive; yet, I cannot keep them away from my life. They bring joy. So, yes, I know exactly what you are going through and my heart breaks for you.

    • jannatwrites January 24, 2014 / 11:47 PM

      Thank you, Rebecca. Like you, I get attached to pets, and it’s heartbreaking to let them go. I’m sorry you have experienced this. Your taking in cats made me laugh. They are different creatures, but still we get attached (I’m actually partial to cats… I’ve always adored them.)

      As we love our animals, we have to get caught up in the love and companionship they give us everyday and not think too much about the pain we’ll face when they’re gone. My younger son asked why pets didn’t live longer and I suggested that maybe God made it that way so we could love more animals in our lifetime. I like to think that’s the case.

  26. Draug419 January 25, 2014 / 8:04 AM

    I’m sorry to hear of your beloved pet. I’ve no doubt you did the right thing for her and yourself.

    • jannatwrites January 27, 2014 / 7:33 AM

      Thanks, Draug. I appreciate you reading!

  27. Suzanne January 25, 2014 / 9:24 AM

    Oh, Janna, I’m so very sorry. Our pets are truly members of our families. Even when it’s the right decision it still hurts like hell.

    • jannatwrites January 27, 2014 / 7:35 AM

      You got that right, Suzanne. Luckily I have the distraction of our other pets to keep me from dwelling on it for too long each day.

  28. Tara R. January 25, 2014 / 11:53 AM

    I am so sorry for your loss. We recently said “good bye” to our calico manx, Pollo. They work their way into our hearts.

    • jannatwrites January 27, 2014 / 7:35 AM

      I’m so sorry, Tara. You definitely know the pain.

  29. Tessa January 25, 2014 / 2:17 PM

    So sorry for your loss!

    • jannatwrites January 27, 2014 / 7:36 AM

      Thanks, Tessa. I appreciate you stopping by!

  30. trifectawriting January 26, 2014 / 5:00 PM

    Oh no, Janna!! I’m so sorry for your loss. Josie was absolutely adorable, and how lucky for both parties that she got such caring owners. Hang in there. xx

    • jannatwrites January 27, 2014 / 7:40 AM

      Thanks! It’s been a strange week without her.

  31. ktwriter7 January 27, 2014 / 5:50 AM

    I’m so sorry for your loss, Janna. Your piece captures the dread and uncertainty of the experience.

    • jannatwrites January 27, 2014 / 7:41 AM

      Thanks for reading, Ktwriter7. I appreciate you stopping by!

    • jannatwrites January 28, 2014 / 9:09 PM

      Thanks, Tina! It has been difficult, but I’m sure I’ll still continue to have pets!

  32. Diane Turner January 29, 2014 / 2:27 PM

    Painful times for you. I’m so sorry to hear about your little one. Sending healing and hugs.

    • jannatwrites January 30, 2014 / 12:40 AM

      Thanks, Diane. I appreciate your comment/thoughts 🙂

  33. pattyabr February 2, 2014 / 9:47 PM

    Janna, I am so sorry about Josie. Dogs are family members. Sending you blessings on her memory.

    • jannatwrites February 2, 2014 / 10:21 PM

      Thanks so much for your kind words, Patty. It has been an adjustment, but we have our other pets to cheer us up where we don’t stay in grief for too long at a time.

  34. pattisj February 4, 2014 / 8:27 PM

    I’m sorry you had to say goodbye to your Yorkie. Animals sure do win over our hearts.

    • jannatwrites February 4, 2014 / 9:04 PM

      Thanks, Patti. We do get attached to them!

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