100 Word Song – The Season (Her First Mistake)

12-25 LightsonWater

“Sir?” Ingrid held her cup toward the elderly man.

He halted after he’d passed by, and then shuffled toward her. He leaned down, his face inches from hers. His bushy eyebrows knitted together like one long caterpillar. That’s when she knew she’d made her first mistake. Never hit the same mark twice, Momma had warned.

“Child, last year, you took advantage of my kindness by stealing my wallet.”

Ingrid gulped.

“God forgives and so shall I,” he said before dropping several coins into her cup.

“Bless you,” she called to his back as she tucked his wallet into her skirt.

~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-

So, today, I tried something new.  Lance, over at My Blog Can Beat Up Your Blog, has invited me several times in comments to participate in the 100-word song challenge.  I’ve never done it because it is so out of my comfort zone (and I’m a big chicken).  That’s why I decided to try it today.

The song is “Her First Mistake” by Lyle Lovett.  I wasn’t familiar with it so I gave it a listen, and then tried to come up with a different take.  You tell me whether it works or not 🙂

If you’d like to write your own response, post it on your blog and then go to Lance’s blog (linked above) to post your link.  Have fun!

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34 thoughts on “100 Word Song – The Season (Her First Mistake)

    • jannatwrites November 21, 2013 / 12:14 AM

      Thanks so much, Joanne! I’m glad you liked the story 🙂

  1. nrhatch November 20, 2013 / 1:20 PM

    I love him. I’m NOT a fan of hers. 😐

    • jannatwrites November 21, 2013 / 12:15 AM

      😛 It’s hard to be a fan of thief, Nancy!

  2. SuziCate November 20, 2013 / 1:31 PM

    Excellent! You are fabulous with these challenges!

    • jannatwrites November 21, 2013 / 12:17 AM

      I’m glad you think so, SuziCate! I appreciate you reading 🙂

  3. Jan Wilberg November 20, 2013 / 1:38 PM

    I liked it a lot. Glad she didn’t suddenly become a good girl.

    • jannatwrites November 21, 2013 / 12:19 AM

      Nah, I think she’s pretty ingrained in pickpocketing to change her ways that easily 🙂 Thanks for reading, Jan!

    • jannatwrites November 21, 2013 / 12:20 AM

      Thanks, Susan! I’m curious to see what you come up with.

  4. philosophermouseofthehedge November 20, 2013 / 3:53 PM

    Just laughed and laughed at that ending. Well done.
    (Lyle used to live a stones throw away – and he and Julia shopped at the neighborhood Target – he’s got his own style – will head over o check out that challenging challenge!

    • jannatwrites November 21, 2013 / 12:22 AM

      🙂 It’s funny until you’re the one trying to get a new driver’s license and having to call all the credit card companies!

      How cool that Lyle lived that close. Thanks for reading and sharing the story, Phil!

        • jannatwrites November 21, 2013 / 8:13 PM

          Thanks, Phil! Hang on to your wallet this season 🙂

  5. Lance November 20, 2013 / 4:44 PM

    I like your turn on “mistake”, clever and intriguing…I want more

    thank you so much for doing 100 word song…

    • jannatwrites November 21, 2013 / 12:23 AM

      Thanks for inviting me to give it a try, Lance! It gave my brain a bit of a workout today 🙂

  6. Eric Alagan November 20, 2013 / 5:08 PM

    Silly old man – but I still love him. Because to me what matters is – he gave. Never mind that he gave to someone who is perhaps undeserving of his generosity of coin and spirit.

    From a literary POV – I enjoyed that naughty twist at the end.

    • jannatwrites November 21, 2013 / 12:24 AM

      Good thing he’s ready to forgive 🙂 Then again, maybe he carried a trick wallet around since that day and put his real wallet in a different pocket…

      I’m glad you liked the ending, Eric. Thanks for reading!!

  7. Jen November 20, 2013 / 8:54 PM

    OK that was awesome. How in 100 short words you can make me wonder where we are going and then take me totally by surprise. I am not worthy.

    • jannatwrites November 21, 2013 / 12:25 AM

      Really? Wow, your comment made me smile, Jen. I’m glad you liked the story!

  8. Imelda November 20, 2013 / 9:34 PM

    aw. Naughty girl! Nice story in 100 words. 🙂

    • jannatwrites November 21, 2013 / 12:26 AM

      Hehe, yeah, she’s a sneaky one all right, Imelda!

  9. Debbie November 21, 2013 / 9:16 AM

    Well done, Janna — what a little sneak!!

    • jannatwrites November 21, 2013 / 8:31 PM

      That she is, Debbie. Glad you stopped by!

  10. Lauren November 21, 2013 / 9:23 AM

    Great story. I like Lyle Lovett, love his voice. BTW, you shouldn’t be a big chicken to try anything related to writing!

    • jannatwrites November 21, 2013 / 8:44 PM

      I’m glad you liked the story, Lauren! And thanks for the words of encouragement on writing. Fear still gets to me sometimes 🙂

    • jannatwrites November 21, 2013 / 8:45 PM

      Yeah, she’s good. I just wonder what the man will do next year 🙂 Thanks for reading, Kathy!

  11. GodGirl November 22, 2013 / 4:10 AM

    Very clever. You’ve drawn such wonderful characters with so few words! I love the build-up to Ingrid’s cheeky final move. I can almost see her smirking as he walks away.

    • jannatwrites November 22, 2013 / 8:09 AM

      Yeah, that’s what I had in mind – she’s pretty smug because she pulled it off again (or did she? :)) Thanks for reading, GodGirl!

  12. Diane Turner November 22, 2013 / 10:21 PM

    That last line is perfection. Excellent piece. Thanks for sharing.

    • jannatwrites November 24, 2013 / 9:52 AM

      Thanks so much for reading, Diane. I had some fun with this one 🙂

  13. pattyabr December 1, 2013 / 6:14 PM

    you are great at any form you tackle! Music lyrics are great to use as a writing medium.

    • jannatwrites December 1, 2013 / 8:16 PM

      Thanks so much for the nice comment, Patty! Music is a new/unfamiliar prompt for me, so it’s one I’d love to practice.

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