Tormented by
Hindsight,
Overlooked signs,
The expansive king-sized bed.
Conversation raked
With a fine-tooth comb,
Searching for
Truthful nuggets,
An answer to “why?”
To his, “I’m leaving,”
She begged, “Please stay.”
Silence speaks.
~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-
This is my response to Trifecta’s weekend challenge:
Trifecta editor Lisa has a son who just lost his first tooth. In honor of such a creepy event, we want you to write a 33-word response that uses the word tooth. Your response can use any definition of the word but cannot tell the story of someone losing a tooth.
If you want to read other responses, or write and submit one yourself, please click here to view Trifecta’s site. I hope you have a beautiful weekend!
JannaTWrites 
You are great with these “gut-punch” moments in relationship moments. I liked this for it’s impact.
Thanks for reading, Lance! This wasn’t what I set out to write, but it evolved that way.
Silence can be a tough teacher. Great take on the prompt!
Silence is the worst when you’re waiting for an answer. Thanks for reading, Lewis!
Powerful piece! We feel for your character.
Thanks, Gabriella. Not a good position to be in, for sure.
A moving peek into the intricacies of relationships and love.
The good relationships have balance, Shawn. This one is a bit “off” 🙂
Wonderful use of your 33 words.
Thanks, Mike. I appreciate you reading!
“truthful nuggets” indeed!
She’s hoping the little pieces of truth will give her the answer she needs. Thanks for reading, Jennifer!
OH Janna, what to like first: The fine tooth comb, the truthful nuggets.
My stomach tumbled with every line, it was exquisite and so very sad.
WOW.
I’m glad my poem made your stomach turn, Kir 🙂 (I know what you meant, I just thought it’d be fun to twist your words!) Thanks so much for reading and sharing your comment.
This was short, but packed a huge punch to the gut! Wonderful!
Thanks, Glynis! I’m glad it sparked emotions…sometimes it can be difficult to do with 33 words to play with.
So true, but you did the job! Great work!
Thank you so much, Glynis 😛
Silence can sometimes be deafening.
Yes, it can, Joe 🙂 Thanks for reading!
Very good piece!
Thanks so much for stopping by, Joe!
Nice.. an end to love is hurtful.
It’s never pleasant, HA. I’m glad you stopped by to read my poem.
This is a good piece. Very moving. You can feel that you enjoy writing through it. Thanks
Thanks, Sean! It’s not exactly an uplifting piece, but that’s what came of my thoughts as I wrote on this one today 🙂
This is so powerful and relatable. You portrayed an all-too-real moment beautifully.
Thanks, Ivy. I’m glad it was relatable. It’s a painful position to be in, that’s for sure!
What a sad poem, Janna. You packed a LOT of emotion into those 33 words!
I really did write a ‘downer’ of a poem for a happy Friday…thanks for reading, Debbie!
Love the “fine tooth comb” observation of conversation.
And of course the ending – said so much.
Nice
In the aftermath, I tend to analyze conversations to death…not that it does any good! I appreciate you taking time to read it and share your comment, Phil!
Thousand silent words may be perfect an answer:)
The silence says more than spoken lies any day. Thanks for reading, Vishal 🙂
Ooh, we both went for the comb reference! I loved the layout of this poem, as well as the weaving words.
I’ll definitely read yours, Freya! I do appreciate you taking time to read my take on the prompt 🙂
Interesting images. Sad ending.
I don’t know where the darkness came from today, Nancy…I actually feel like I’m in a good mood! (Could you imagine what I’d come up with if I felt blue? :grin:)
Ohh, I like and the layout too.
Thanks, Zennjenn…I appreciate you stopping by!
Love the, ‘tormented by hindsight’. Who among us hasn’t trod that path somewhere along the way!
Well, if we were all equipped with crystal balls, then hindsight wouldn’t be a problem 🙂 Glad you could relate to that part, Widdershins.
As always, exceptional piece 🙂
Thanks so much, Theinnerzone. I’m glad you enjoyed reading it 🙂
That king-sized bed is the start of so many problems in a marriage. My wife and I still sleep in a double-bed. There is just something about sharing our body heat, hearing her breathing while she sleeps, those incidental toe touches……….that keeps us from drifting into our separate places. As long as our bums are touching, our marriage stays strong. Just the way it is! 🙂
Couples do have to find a way to remain close, Tom. For me, a king-sized bed was the key to me finally getting some good sleep! Between cats and dogs squeezing in the bed (never mind the occasional frightened child), it was awful. Now, there’s room for everyone, but not between us. Thanks for stopping by to read – I’m glad you shared your comment here!
Apparently, as far as he is concerned, everything that needs to be said – has been said.
Well, he can have his own bed and own room even – but when morning comes, he can make his own breakfast!
(No, he is not walking out on her – he just can’t tolerate her snoring!)
Funny interpretation, Eric! I like the idea that the leaving is just for the night…much less devastating that way.
Ah, those moments seem to last forever to the one being left. Silence says so much more than words at times. This is beautiful though sad.
Thanks, Donetta. I appreciate you reading and sharing your comment, Donetta!
“Conversation raked with a fine-tooth comb” – what a great line. Often we don’t see break-ups coming, but when it’s all over we obsess and speculate and try to recall details and signs and triggers – for closure I guess. I love the way you said so much with the snippets of dialogue near the end. So clever!
Thanks, GodGirl. Sometimes the endless endless replay loop is torture. I appreciate you taking time to read and share your thoughts!
You express eloquently the agony of raking through the clues of the past to make sense of the present.
Thanks, Lena. It’s hard not to analyze what went wrong.
The sound of silence is a terrible answer. Love this.
Thanks for reading, Draug!
The sound of silence is not really silent, is it? So many things can fill that blank, and she is going to torture herself with them all. This was sad, but powerful!
You’re right, the mind has a way of filling up the silence, Tina. Thanks so much for reading!
Sad, but wonderfully written piece.
Thanks, Bryan. I appreciate you stopping by!
Great piece… and great use of the word. Silence speaks so much more the words.
Yes, it does, Bjorn. Sometimes anything is better than the silence!
Nicely done. When I read it I automatically thought of Bruno Mars song ‘When I Was Your Man’ All the things that we wished we could or should have changed before our loves left.
A question we’ve all asked.
That is such a heartfelt song, Dailyshorts. It seems like we can always look back and see what we could’ve done differently.
Raked with a fine tooth comb is brilliant! I’ve been there, and done that too:)
Well done!
Thanks, Valerie. I’m glad you stopped by and liked that line 🙂
tooth comb inventive and nice description of looking for a cause – sometimes there is none or its just better off not knowing
So true, Uneven Steven. Even if we’re better off not knowing, we still try to figure it out.
Silence, that’s not good, in this case, anyway.
Do you put the words where you want and they stay there? Or do you copy/paste?
Thanks for stopping by to read it, Patti. I manually have to reformat when I paste into WordPress because my Word formatting doesn’t hold.
Thanks. They have a mind of their own from my experience.
I’m glad it’s not just me 🙂
And I’m glad it’s not just me!
i like how you formatted this poem, well said for a silent end.
Thanks, Renada. I appreciate you reading 🙂
This seems like a really full response to the prompt–bigger than the 33 words, if you know what I mean. Great job, Janna. Thanks for linking up.
That is a great comment/compliment….made me smile 🙂 Thanks!
Wow. Intense and gut-wrenching. I agree, it’s a really complete piece. Well done, as always!
Thanks so much, Suzanne. I appreciate you taking time to read my response!
Awesome 🙂
Thanks, Ruby!
The search for answers doubles the pain of the actual break-up. Great poem – I really loved the first stanza in particular. It flows really well.
I’m glad you liked it, Christine. Thanks so much for reading!
Dreaded Silence. It’s worse than a lie. Fabulous!
Thanks, Tess! I appreciate you stopping by!
Wow. That was awesome. Terribly sad, but awesome.
Thanks, Michael! It was a bit of a down poem…
I love the “Conversation raked/ With a fine-tooth comb.” It rings so true.
It’s some comfort knowing that others do the same thing. I appreciate you stopping by, Allen!
nice job Janna but sad
It was a depressing one, Patty. I appreciate you reading it 🙂
I love the second stanza–such artful choice of words! That’s a beautiful photo as well. Nicely done.
That was the stanza that was the closest to me. I tend to replay conversations in my mind and dissect them to figure out what went wrong. Most remain unsolved mysteries. I’m glad you liked the photo – it was one I took last year in Hawaii.