Going Home

[ changó ] / Foter / CC BY-NC-ND
[ changó ] / Foter / CC BY-NC-ND

Defiant,

Arrogant;

I escaped to

Blaze my own

Way.

Now,

Head hung,

Bag slung;

Huddled with

Weary fledglings,

I wait.

I’m drowning;

Greyhound, my last

hope.

Mom,

Can I bring my baby

Home?

~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-

TrifectaPicture11-1This is my response to the Trifecta weekend challenge, which was to write a piece, exactly 33 words in length, inspired by the photo above.  I have no idea how to link the photo credits in a caption, so additional photo credits are here:  [ changó ] / Foter / CC BY-NC-ND

If you want to read other responses, or write and submit one yourself, please click the tricycle picture to view Trifecta’s site.  I hope you have a beautiful weekend!

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92 thoughts on “Going Home

  1. Kir Piccini August 2, 2013 / 7:55 AM

    Oh I do love when you give us 33 words that hit me smack in the middle.
    Reminds me of a Dixie Chicks song about going home…hoping her mom opens the door and her arms…

    TGIF my friend.

    • jannatwrites August 2, 2013 / 8:11 AM

      I’ve never had to go home like that, but I imagine it is an incredibly emotional event, the admission of failures and soothing of hurt feelings. I’m so glad this made you feel something – that’s always a huge compliment. Thanks so much for reading, Kir. Have a fabulous weekend!

    • jannatwrites August 2, 2013 / 8:12 AM

      I do hope this is in a good way 🙂 I appreciate you stopping by to read it, Sandra!

    • jannatwrites August 2, 2013 / 9:57 AM

      Sometimes it’s easier that way, Chamblee 🙂

  2. Jennifer Dillon August 2, 2013 / 8:27 AM

    Wow. That last line is utterly transforming. Fabulous and heartwrenching.

    • jannatwrites August 2, 2013 / 9:58 AM

      Thanks, Jennifer! The wording of that line was actually a last-second change, so I’m glad it worked when you read it 🙂

    • jannatwrites August 2, 2013 / 9:59 AM

      I appreciate you reading and sharing your thoughts, Yarnspinnerr!

  3. walktofree August 2, 2013 / 8:40 AM

    i find this a haunting story in 33 words=)

    • jannatwrites August 2, 2013 / 10:00 AM

      Thanks so much for reading, Walktofree!

  4. mairzeebp August 2, 2013 / 8:44 AM

    Powerful. Fantastic. Such a strong piece Janna. I don’t want to read any further because to me, nothing could top this. (I will read further of course as there is alot of talent but so very well done!).

    • jannatwrites August 2, 2013 / 10:02 AM

      I appreciate your comment, Mary Beth 🙂 Good choice in reading on…I’m sure there will be many amazing responses (there always are!)

  5. joetwo August 2, 2013 / 8:54 AM

    Nice use of the image!

    • jannatwrites August 2, 2013 / 10:03 AM

      Thanks, Joe! I wanted to tell a personal story for this one.

  6. howanxious August 2, 2013 / 8:55 AM

    A realization is always intense.. nice work..

    • jannatwrites August 2, 2013 / 10:04 AM

      I’m sure it’s not easy to ask to come home. Thanks for reading, HA!

  7. Carol Ann Hoel August 2, 2013 / 9:11 AM

    I proclaim you the queen of short fiction. I know it’s a poem, but it’s a story, too. Blessings to you, Janna…

    • jannatwrites August 2, 2013 / 10:05 AM

      What a kind comment, Carol Ann! There are so many who write it better than I do, but I appreciate your recommendation of the “crown” 🙂

    • jannatwrites August 2, 2013 / 10:07 AM

      I appreciate you reading and sharing your comment, Theinnerzone. I can’t wait to read how others interpret this photo:)

      • theinnerzone August 2, 2013 / 10:08 AM

        I am sure it will surpass their imagination, well done!

        • jannatwrites August 2, 2013 / 10:11 AM

          🙂 Trifecta has so much creativity in one place.

        • theinnerzone August 2, 2013 / 10:15 AM

          I agree, it is my new found inspiration. 🙂

        • jannatwrites August 2, 2013 / 9:57 PM

          I’m so glad it inspires you – it’s a great community!

  8. Michael August 2, 2013 / 10:08 AM

    Oh, this was good. Very moving.

    • jannatwrites August 2, 2013 / 10:12 AM

      Thanks, Michael! I’m glad it evoked emotions.

  9. Lance August 2, 2013 / 10:24 AM

    pragmatic is a great word to describe this. You get the feel of a cold hospital with people running around her uncaring about her pain and confusion. Good 33

    • jannatwrites August 2, 2013 / 9:42 PM

      Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts/interpretation, Lance!

  10. Joe Owens August 2, 2013 / 11:02 AM

    Bon Jovi said it in the song “you can always go home”.

    • jannatwrites August 2, 2013 / 9:42 PM

      True…as long as the bridge wasn’t torched on the way out of town 🙂 Thanks for reading and adding your comment, Joe!

  11. Scriptor Obscura August 2, 2013 / 11:02 AM

    I got the narrator as being a man, a son who’d gone away, the prodigal son so to speak, and he’s now coming back with his new wife and baby, his new family, defeated by the misery of life. He realized he couldn’t make it on his own. This is really good.

    • jannatwrites August 2, 2013 / 9:44 PM

      Thanks for reading and sharing your vision of the backstory, Scriptor! I love it when the few words I write allow the reader to fill in a story that works 🙂

  12. ivymblog August 2, 2013 / 1:10 PM

    Head hung,
    Bag slung;
    Huddled with
    Weary fledglings,

    Wow! These lines really convey the hopelessness AND the hopefulness. Love this!

    • jannatwrites August 2, 2013 / 9:48 PM

      Thanks so much for reading, Ivy! I actually wanted it to read ‘huddled with other weary fledglings’ but I had to ax ‘other’ because I was one word over. Darned if I couldn’t find another word cut I was satisfied with 🙂 Still bugs me…

  13. KymmInBarcelona August 2, 2013 / 1:23 PM

    The cadence to this is terrific, Janna.
    I love the way you crash Greyhound up against Mom at the end.

    • jannatwrites August 2, 2013 / 9:50 PM

      Thanks, Kymm! I appreciate your feedback 🙂

    • jannatwrites August 2, 2013 / 9:51 PM

      Thanks, Widdershins. I wanted this one to be emotional 🙂

  14. GodGirl August 2, 2013 / 3:22 PM

    This reminded me of the prodigal son story at first. The baby bit was an interesting twist. Very clever use of the image to tell a story – well done!

    • jannatwrites August 2, 2013 / 9:53 PM

      You’re right- it does have some aspects of the prodigal son, GodGirl. Of course, I hadn’t thought of that as I wrote it 🙂 Thanks so much for reading and sharing the thoughts it triggered.

  15. Valerie August 2, 2013 / 3:58 PM

    Oh Janna! Well done in so few words! My mother’s heart would welcome her back with open arms!

    • jannatwrites August 2, 2013 / 9:54 PM

      I would hope that I could put hurt feelings aside and welcome my child home as well, Valerie 🙂

  16. LaTonya M. Baldwin August 2, 2013 / 7:11 PM

    Babies know. They hurt us. Until we can’t any more, we take them back.

    • jannatwrites August 2, 2013 / 9:55 PM

      Well said, LaTonya. I know there are instances when ‘enough’ has to happen; when taking them back isn’t good for the child or parent.

  17. Draug419 August 2, 2013 / 8:08 PM

    Powerful piece.

  18. Eric Alagan August 3, 2013 / 1:47 AM

    No lesson is better learned than one experienced raw. The good news is, we humans fare better than moths to flame.

    Most parents will embrace the returning child with child – I’m sure.

    You pulled off another fabulous flash, Janna dear.

    Peace,
    Eric

    • jannatwrites August 3, 2013 / 9:42 AM

      I appreciate your comment, Eric. Good thing we do fare better than moths!

  19. thewizardsword August 3, 2013 / 3:27 AM

    Nice use of the prompt. You packed a ,lot into 33 words!
    Great story.

    • jannatwrites August 3, 2013 / 9:43 AM

      Thanks, Wizardsword! I appreciate you stopping by to read it 🙂

  20. paulmclem August 3, 2013 / 4:28 AM

    Can I ask a technical question? – I could never begin to write stuff like this but I’m intrigued by it none the less….why do you split lines such as ‘Greyhound my last hope’. Some lines are split by punctuation but this one, and others, aren’t. Just wondering the reasons behind this. Brilliant work as always Janna!

    • jannatwrites August 3, 2013 / 9:50 AM

      My initial thought about your technical question was that I thought it looked good. (I’m not into the technicalities of poetry writing, I’m afraid.) I read through it several more times and I think I have a better answer….I don’t like to rhyme to the hilt, but I do like some rhyme. As I read it, I thought putting the word on a separate line added a little more emphasis on the rhyme (way and wait; hope and home.) Plus, in this poem, most of the lines were short, so I didn’t want to have one or two lines that were too long/too many syllables…I thought it messed with the flow when I read it.

      Hope this answers your question, Paul! Thanks for reading and for your question…it made me think about my process, which I should probably do more of 🙂

      • paulmclem August 3, 2013 / 10:12 AM

        Cheers Janna. Poetry is a black art to me at the moment. Not sure it’s something I will ever really love but I appreciate skill wherever I see it…and you have it!

        • jannatwrites August 4, 2013 / 1:15 PM

          I can think of several poets and Trifecta participants that have poetry skills far superior to what I call poetry. I mostly free write with some rhyming! I do appreciate your comment, anyway, Paul!

  21. Tina August 3, 2013 / 11:54 AM

    I have several relatives that did this very thing! Babies certainly do change the focus, don’t they? This was an emotional 33 words!

    • jannatwrites August 4, 2013 / 1:16 PM

      Thanks, Tina. It’s hard on families when the young ones run off like that. It can be a tough way to learn life lessons.

  22. summerstommy2 August 3, 2013 / 5:33 PM

    Excellent Janna. Lovely powerful conclusion I couldn’t help but notice my heart skip a beat.

    • jannatwrites August 4, 2013 / 1:17 PM

      Thanks so much, Summerstommy2. I’m glad it brought out some emotion!

  23. Beyond Terrigal August 3, 2013 / 7:13 PM

    Thanks for sharin your work. I have enjoyed what I have read and there’s a lot mor left to read 🙂

    • jannatwrites August 4, 2013 / 1:18 PM

      I appreciate you reading, Beyond Terrigal. It’s hard to read all of the responses each week, but all we can do is our best 🙂

  24. Linda Vernon August 3, 2013 / 7:59 PM

    Ah! A complete story.in 33 words! I hope her mom says yes!

    • jannatwrites August 4, 2013 / 1:19 PM

      I hope so, too! I hope the child has changed as well and realized maybe there is still much left to learn. Thanks for reading, Linda!

  25. kallanannie August 3, 2013 / 9:11 PM

    “Head hung, / bag slung”–excuse me while I gibber with glee at the loveliness of those lines. Really enjoyed this, Janna.

    • jannatwrites August 4, 2013 / 1:19 PM

      Thanks, Kallanannie. Your comment made me smile 😛 Funny thing is, those are the first 2 lines I thought of…I wrote everything else around them.

    • jannatwrites August 4, 2013 / 1:20 PM

      Thanks, Vishal! I appreciate you reading it and sharing your comment 🙂

  26. Suzanne August 4, 2013 / 6:02 AM

    Beautifully crafted Janna! Love the structure you used, love the intensity of the words. Great take on the prompt!

    • jannatwrites August 4, 2013 / 1:21 PM

      I’m glad you enjoyed this one, Suzanne! With 33 words, I find myself lingering on each word to make sure it’s the best value (can’t waste much on such short pieces.) But you know all about that 🙂

  27. windandlaughter August 4, 2013 / 8:27 AM

    Wow. This had better be the winner. Very powerful. Very real.

    • jannatwrites August 4, 2013 / 1:23 PM

      I’m glad you liked it that much, Windandlaughter! There are always so many great pieces that I never expect to win (nice when it happens, though :)) To me, the interaction in comments is what makes Trifecta challenges so much fun.

  28. Joanne August 4, 2013 / 2:01 PM

    I felt asif I’d read a chapter of thousands of words, and yet, in you’re thirty three words, you’ve created atmosphere, character development and conflict. I’m sorry I read this before I attempt to write my own entry. Well done.

    • jannatwrites August 5, 2013 / 7:37 PM

      Thanks so much for reading and sharing your kind words, Joanne!

    • jannatwrites August 5, 2013 / 7:38 PM

      Thanks, Tess. I appreciate you reading it 🙂

  29. trifectawriting August 4, 2013 / 3:42 PM

    You can feel her tiredness in this. The emotions feel very real.
    Thank you for linking up.

    • jannatwrites August 5, 2013 / 7:38 PM

      Thanks, Trifecta. I have fun with these challenges 🙂

  30. hmv August 4, 2013 / 10:39 PM

    Wow, this is some powerful stuff! Hopefully she enjoyed at least some of her time away… Nice story!

    • jannatwrites August 5, 2013 / 7:38 PM

      I’m sure there was good with the bad, Hmv…there often is 🙂

  31. pattyabr August 5, 2013 / 5:32 PM

    very powerful 33 words. nice job

    • jannatwrites August 5, 2013 / 7:39 PM

      Thanks for reading, Patty. I wanted to tell one shadow’s story.

  32. Imelda August 5, 2013 / 5:42 PM

    excellent, Janna.

  33. pattisj August 13, 2013 / 6:32 PM

    I love this one! The subject, the solution…hope.

    • jannatwrites August 13, 2013 / 8:19 PM

      Yes! There is always hope (I like to think the mom will take her child back.) Thanks for reading, Patti!

  34. Sandra August 16, 2013 / 2:28 PM

    Brilliant, Janna! You do 33 words so well it tells an entire story. I’m amazed.

    • jannatwrites August 16, 2013 / 11:05 PM

      I appreciate your kind words, Sandra – thank you!!

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