Personification

He slinked inside;

Creaking door

Tattling the truth.

 

He tiptoed

Down the hall;

Cloaked by shadows.

 

In night-light glow,

She stood, arms crossed;

Dagger glare thrown.

 

His lie;

Whimpered, wailed, writhed,

Gasping air.

~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-

TrifectaPicture11-1This is my response to the weekend Trifecta challenge, which was to write a 33-word example of personification.ย  This is completely fiction.ย  Had this been ripped from the pages of my life story, the truth wouldn’t be the only thing gasping for air ๐Ÿ™‚ย  (Only kidding….sort of!)

If you want to write your own personified piece and submit for the Trifecta challenge, click the tricycle picture to head on over to their site for complete instructions.

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84 thoughts on “Personification

  1. joetwo January 25, 2013 / 8:13 AM

    Nice flow of words here!

    • jannatwrites January 25, 2013 / 9:27 PM

      Thanks, Joe. I appreciate you reading!

  2. Draug419 January 25, 2013 / 8:16 AM

    I love the loose-lipped door haha And the personification of the lie is brilliant (:

    • jannatwrites January 25, 2013 / 9:28 PM

      An door with ungreased hinges will tell all ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m glad you liked the lie personified, Draug!

  3. Dawn Lamond January 25, 2013 / 8:17 AM

    Gotta watch out for those night-lights ๐Ÿ˜‰ Nice personifying!

    • jannatwrites January 25, 2013 / 9:28 PM

      If not for the night-light, he wouldn’t have seen the dagger glare, Dawn ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. Kir Piccini January 25, 2013 / 8:22 AM

    tattling is the best word, it sets up everything else.
    You rocked this one my friend. ๐Ÿ™‚

    • jannatwrites January 25, 2013 / 9:29 PM

      Thanks, Kir. I tried out several verbs before settling on that one. I’m glad you enjoyed this poem!

  5. nrhatch January 25, 2013 / 8:34 AM

    Wonderful from first to last.

    • jannatwrites January 25, 2013 / 9:29 PM

      Thanks for taking time to read and share your opinion, Nancy!

  6. coyotero2112 January 25, 2013 / 8:34 AM

    Thirty-three words put to good use JannaT. I certainly have no talent for this sort of thing, and always admire people who do.
    Later…

    • jannatwrites January 25, 2013 / 9:32 PM

      I appreciate you reading and sharing your thoughts on my poem, Coyotero!

  7. lumdog January 25, 2013 / 8:41 AM

    I love “…tattling the truth.” And a cool poem.

    • jannatwrites January 25, 2013 / 9:33 PM

      Thanks, Lumdog! Doors just can’t keep quiet.

  8. Debbie January 25, 2013 / 8:47 AM

    Well written, Janna. I can’t decide if this is the POV of a small boy who thinks he might be in trouble, or an erring husband who knows he is!!

    • jannatwrites January 25, 2013 / 9:34 PM

      I re-read it and I think it could go either way, Debbie. But I wrote it about the rat of a husband who just got busted ๐Ÿ™‚

  9. Linda Vernon January 25, 2013 / 9:15 AM

    Love this Janna, you really nailed it with a thrown dagger glare!!

    • jannatwrites January 25, 2013 / 9:34 PM

      Thanks, Linda! Those dagger glares are very dangerous ๐Ÿ™‚

      • Linda Vernon January 26, 2013 / 10:21 AM

        I know they are aren’t they? It’s a there’s not a movement to ban them. ๐Ÿ˜€

        • jannatwrites January 26, 2013 / 2:18 PM

          Hmmm…that just may happen, or at least require a permit to carry them ๐Ÿ™‚

  10. newwhitebear January 25, 2013 / 11:52 AM

    Wonderful poetry! The truth kills the lies.

    • jannatwrites January 25, 2013 / 9:35 PM

      I’m happy you liked the poem, Newwhitebear! The truth is a killer, all right ๐Ÿ™‚

  11. Tessa January 25, 2013 / 12:49 PM

    Well done! Not sure if I will enter this one.

    • jannatwrites January 25, 2013 / 10:37 PM

      If the inspiration strikes, I hope you do, Tessa. Sometimes a prompt just isn’t inspiring, though ๐Ÿ™‚

      • Tessa January 26, 2013 / 10:52 AM

        Isn’t that the truth! I feel like writing, but can’t seem to come up with much on my own, I need a prompt. A workable one though. Not all work

        • jannatwrites January 26, 2013 / 2:34 PM

          Thinking of an idea is half the work…so in that respect, prompts are a good way to kick-start a story.

  12. jwilliams057 January 25, 2013 / 2:16 PM

    I love the tattling door.

    • jannatwrites January 25, 2013 / 10:38 PM

      Thanks – I’m glad you liked the snitch of a door, Jennifer!

    • jannatwrites January 25, 2013 / 10:38 PM

      Oops is right, Widdershins ๐Ÿ™‚

    • jannatwrites January 25, 2013 / 10:38 PM

      If he was smart, he’d beat it too, Kymm!

  13. diannegray January 25, 2013 / 3:04 PM

    “Dagger glare thrown” love it! Poetic personification from beginning to end ๐Ÿ™‚

    • jannatwrites January 25, 2013 / 11:12 PM

      Thanks, Dianne – I appreciate your comment!

  14. atrm61 January 25, 2013 / 3:42 PM

    This is exceptional-loved the way you played around with words here:-)Beautiful personification in the last lines,His lie;

    Whimpered, wailed, writhed,

    Gasping air.”

    ๐Ÿ™‚

    • jannatwrites January 25, 2013 / 11:15 PM

      I was pleased with how that part worked out, too, Atreyee ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks so much for reading!

      • atrm61 January 26, 2013 / 12:11 AM

        :-)enjoyed it Janna

  15. Tom MacInnes (@cobourgcobbie) January 25, 2013 / 7:28 PM

    It never ceases to amaze me how many different yet, brilliant takes on the prompt that come up, week after week. Your use of language is lovely in this poem. You nailed it!

    • jannatwrites January 25, 2013 / 11:16 PM

      Thanks for your encouraging words, Tom. You are right – there are so many different interpretations of the prompt. It’s a joy to read all that creativity!

  16. barbara January 25, 2013 / 8:09 PM

    I can only echo the previous comments. ๐Ÿ™‚ Well done. If I may give one con-crit – I am a stickler on tensing – the word “slinked” should be “slunk”. Otherwise, perfecto.

    And, should I err in the same way (it does happen, but don’t tell my kids, please) do feel free to le tme know. ๐Ÿ™‚

    • jannatwrites January 25, 2013 / 11:20 PM

      Thanks for pointing out the tense on that verb, Barbara. Yes, ‘slunk’ is correct, but I don’t like how it sounds on that line (maybe I should’ve stayed with “sneaked”, one of my early verb choices, and avoided the issue :grin:) I’ll sleep on it and see how sneaked looks tomorrow…

  17. muZer January 26, 2013 / 12:08 AM

    Wow.. That’s well done.. Liked the play of words here! ๐Ÿ™‚
    And chuckled when I read the lines underneath the poem, stating it to be fiction. Hehe:-)

    • jannatwrites January 26, 2013 / 2:20 PM

      Thanks, Muzer! I like to make the disclaimer so people don’t think hubby is jerk…he might leave his half-full coffee mugs around the house, but he’s not sneaking around ๐Ÿ™‚

  18. Diane Turner January 26, 2013 / 2:00 AM

    Everyone has said it and I echo all of it. Excellent writing.

    • jannatwrites January 26, 2013 / 2:20 PM

      Thanks so much, Diane – I appreciate you reading it!

    • jannatwrites January 26, 2013 / 2:22 PM

      Thanks for your comment, Unevensteven.

  19. deanabo January 26, 2013 / 8:27 AM

    Simply perfect! You really told a terrific story with so few words.

    • jannatwrites January 26, 2013 / 2:23 PM

      Thanks, Deanabo. The real story is what happens next ๐Ÿ™‚

  20. sugarhighdd January 26, 2013 / 10:59 AM

    Poor guy! Hopefully she didn’t blow up on him…too hard. Very nice poem!

    • jannatwrites January 26, 2013 / 2:24 PM

      Well, I don’t know if he’ll see the error of his ways, or stars ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks for stopping by, Sugarhighdd!

  21. Kristin January 26, 2013 / 11:01 AM

    I like how this poem had such movement to it…like the anxious wriggling liar.

    • jannatwrites January 26, 2013 / 2:25 PM

      The lie was struggling for sure, Kristin. Thanks for reading!

  22. Suzanne January 26, 2013 / 12:51 PM

    Awesome personification! Love the story in this piece – well done!

    • jannatwrites January 26, 2013 / 2:27 PM

      I’m glad you liked it, Suzanne. Personification was more difficult to pull off when I set out to try to do it ๐Ÿ™‚

  23. Tina January 26, 2013 / 1:15 PM

    Simply gorgeous use of language. This is great!

    • jannatwrites January 26, 2013 / 2:27 PM

      Thanks, Tina. I appreciate you taking time to read and share your reaction!

  24. steph January 26, 2013 / 3:38 PM

    I can’t add anything new so I’ll simply agree – great take – a story in 33 words – I especially like creaking door tattling the truth.

    • jannatwrites January 26, 2013 / 9:11 PM

      Thanks for sharing your comment, Steph. I’m glad you liked it ๐Ÿ™‚

  25. donettas January 26, 2013 / 3:46 PM

    Tattling the truth, loved that line! This was wonderful to read!

  26. Wisper January 26, 2013 / 5:33 PM

    Yep. Been said already but this is great. The sense that each word was so carefully chosen to tell the story shows through brilliantly.

    • jannatwrites January 26, 2013 / 9:16 PM

      I’m glad you liked it, Wisper. I wrote the poem pretty quickly (about fifteen minutes) but there were a few words that I struggled to pick the ‘right’ ones. It’s nice to know that for the most part, my final decisions came out pretty well ๐Ÿ™‚

  27. Sandra January 27, 2013 / 12:30 AM

    Very nicely done – the wages of sin, personified.

    • jannatwrites January 27, 2013 / 10:23 PM

      Thanks, for taking time to read and share your thoughts, Renee!

  28. Lance January 27, 2013 / 8:06 AM

    I was expecting something totally differently. Very well done in just 33 words.

    • jannatwrites January 27, 2013 / 10:24 PM

      Thanks, Lance. I’m curious about what you were expecting ๐Ÿ™‚

  29. debseeman January 27, 2013 / 9:46 AM

    A parents best tool is a squeaky door when you have teenagers. LOL! This is perfect from start to finish.

    • jannatwrites January 27, 2013 / 10:27 PM

      Thanks, Deb! Hey, that explains why my parents never whipped out the W-D40 on those ‘ol hinges ๐Ÿ™‚ (We have an alarm system that beeps three times whenever a door or window is opened when it’s disarmed…when it’s set, the full alarm goes off! Our kids aren’t close to teens yet, but it still helps to keep track of them :))

  30. agjorgenson January 27, 2013 / 10:59 AM

    I like “creaking door/tattling truth.” It sounds what it says.

    • jannatwrites January 27, 2013 / 10:28 PM

      Thanks – I appreciate the feedback on what stuck with you when you read it!

  31. Kim Song January 27, 2013 / 1:06 PM

    Great choice of words! They literally danced on your page as I was reading, great work!

    • jannatwrites January 27, 2013 / 10:28 PM

      Thanks so much for the kind comment, Kim!

  32. Christine January 27, 2013 / 2:03 PM

    Beautiful, Janna – every word was perfect.

    • jannatwrites January 27, 2013 / 10:29 PM

      Thanks, Christine. I appreciate you taking time to read it!

  33. Amelia January 27, 2013 / 4:09 PM

    This was wonderful!

  34. pattisj January 27, 2013 / 11:55 PM

    Very nicely done, Janna! I wondered if it was a kid past curfew, but the “dagger glare” probably wouldn’t have been used on a child.

    • jannatwrites January 29, 2013 / 9:39 PM

      Good observation, Patti. I think we’re a little gentler with our children ๐Ÿ™‚

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