Incriminating Evidence of Fiction

I thought my last post had some humor to it, but some thought it was sad.  (I think that says something about my state of mind here lately.  More on that in Sunday’s post :))  Today, I offer you a cotton candy post to start out the weekend (it’s light and fluffy and has no brain nutritional value whatsoever.  Oh, there are no calories, either.)

The other night, I was writing a blog post when my husband approached me.  He held his smart phone out and said he noticed something earlier that day.  Of course I had no idea what he was talking about, so I stopped typing and looked at his phone while he demonstrated what he did.

He pulled up a list of the last three internet search phrases.  All searches that I did.  On my phone.  I have no idea how they showed up in his browse history.  Anyway, he wanted to know why I searched “marriage counseling exercises.”

I laughed.  Not the response he expected, apparently.  He lobbed back his defensive response of, “well, if we’re having problems, don’t you think you should talk to me?”  I laughed harder.  When I could pull myself together, I explained that the search was for a story I posted earlier this week (Chameleon).  I read him part of the story, including the line with the ‘homework’ assignment for the couple.  (I skipped the ending, lest he think life imitates art :))

Thankfully, this eased his concern and he walked away satisfied that our relationship is okay.

I said a little prayer that he didn’t see some of the other questionable search terms I’ve done in the name of fiction:

 “Deadly odorless household chemicals”

“Hollow tip bullets”

“How long does it take to die from strangulation”

“Restraining order Arizona law”

“Will a .22 revolver kill”

This is my gun…hot glue doesn’t kill, but it’s so painful you’d almost wish it did!

For all I know, I could be under surveillance by the local police department at this very moment.  Be careful what you search for, because it just might find you 🙂

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35 thoughts on “Incriminating Evidence of Fiction

  1. Tessa August 17, 2012 / 5:29 PM

    LOL Janna. I needed a laugh!

    • jannatwrites August 17, 2012 / 11:16 PM

      Glad you laughed, Tessa. Hubby’s reaction was so funny 🙂

  2. suzicate August 17, 2012 / 6:00 PM

    You gave me a great laugh with this!

    • jannatwrites August 17, 2012 / 10:41 PM

      Yay! I’m glad you you liked it, Suzicate. Right after it happened, I took some notes because I knew it would be a blog post 🙂

  3. rebecca2000 August 17, 2012 / 6:03 PM

    Funny, I am always worried what my husband will see in my browsing history. I do a wtf Friday series were I post strange things I find on the internet. So I see some weird things and I look up topics that are pretty out there.

    On the glue gun….I despise theme. They are my mortal enemy. This Feb. my son’s teacher had them do a diorama. I told him I would help with the glue gun part and some glue got on hand and I got really horrible burns. I have scars still! I asked him what he learned from the stupid project and he said “that you will get second degree burns.” I asked him what he learn about seahorses. His reply, “That you can glue stickers of them on pipe cleaners”. Yeah….

    Sorry, just gave you my life story. Love your blog.

    • jannatwrites August 17, 2012 / 10:40 PM

      Looks like I’m not alone in the crazy searches then, Rebecca! I’ll have to check out your Friday post…you’ve piqued my interest 🙂

      I got injured by a glue gun, too! In January, I was working on a project and made the mistake of 1) getting glue on my hand, and 2) peeling the drying glue off – it took off a few layers of skin. Ick! That’s funny about what your son took away from the diorama project. Leave it to the kiddos to miss what the adults thought was the point of the project. You know what’s funny, is I think my son had the same project in second grade – we did dolphins.

      Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to comment. I appreciate it!

      • rebecca2000 August 17, 2012 / 10:47 PM

        Anytime. I really liked your blog so I am following you. I hope you enjoy mine too. If you decide you want to follow it is weird because it is not wordpress.com it is wordpress.org so you have to follow through email, facebook, or twitter. Strange huh? If not I totally understand.

        • jannatwrites August 18, 2012 / 1:04 AM

          Thanks for following, Rebecca. I did some reading on your blog tonight – you’ve got a great sense of humor. Laughter is always a good thing 🙂

        • rebecca2000 August 18, 2012 / 1:26 AM

          Thanks so much. I just put out a new post. I appreciate you taking the time to poke around. 🙂

        • jannatwrites August 18, 2012 / 12:31 PM

          I enjoyed reading your posts, Rebecca.

        • rebecca2000 August 18, 2012 / 1:47 PM

          Thanks so much!

    • jannatwrites August 17, 2012 / 10:30 PM

      Thanks for stopping by to read, Carol Ann. Glad you found it funny, too!

  4. Widdershins August 17, 2012 / 8:48 PM

    Nothing is private on the interwebz!

    • jannatwrites August 17, 2012 / 10:29 PM

      That’s for sure. But all that info at my fingertips is convenient…

  5. pattisj August 17, 2012 / 10:23 PM

    Do we have to register our glue guns?

    • jannatwrites August 17, 2012 / 10:25 PM

      Oh, I hope not, Patti…I’m carrying without a permit!

  6. J. P. Cabit August 18, 2012 / 1:52 AM

    That is
    AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!
    Ha ha ha ha ha!

    • jannatwrites August 18, 2012 / 12:32 PM

      It was pretty funny, especially his offended reaction at my laughter. Glad you got a laugh out of it as well, Seph!

  7. Michael August 18, 2012 / 3:35 AM

    This was hysterical. I literally laughed out loud when I got to “deadly odorless household chemicals.” …which is hopefully the last time I’ll write that sentence. 😛

    • jannatwrites August 18, 2012 / 12:38 PM

      Your comment made me laugh, Michael (thanks!) I felt like some kind of criminal searching for some of those things. (Well, I guess I sort of was, on paper.) It’s probably best you don’t write that sentence again…could raise some questions 😆

  8. cuhome August 18, 2012 / 10:06 AM

    This is hilarious, and it brings to mind some “research” I was doing for my blog, which, as you know, often deals with death and dying (I’m a former hospice nurse). A well-meaning daughter discovered this research, and everything went to the proverbial hell in a handbasket from there… snowballed out of control, and unknowingly, to me, became: “Mom is going to commit suicide!” Oh, yes. So when I got a call from the social worker at my doctor’s office, I was, needless to say, flabberghasted! What. A. Mess. Now, I make sure to TELL my family when I’m doing research that might be misconstrued, if stumbled across by some well-meaning, albeit misinformed, person….. nothing I can do about the fact that it’s now in my medical record (at least the question!), It was a tragi-comedy of errors!!! (Now, I can see the humor–then, I could not.) AND, my family now knows to TALK TO ME if you find something dubious or nepharious-looking, before having me dragged away by the men in little white coats! True story. Honest! 🙂 Hilarious. Yeah.

    • jannatwrites August 18, 2012 / 12:47 PM

      Oh, that intervention had me laughing out loud. It’s a classic example of what lack of communication can do. This will be a fun story to rehash at family gatherings. I love it. Thanks for the laugh, Janet. I need all of that I can get 🙂

      • cuhome August 18, 2012 / 2:15 PM

        There’s always humor to be found, no matter how awful the situation may seem at the time. It’s just that some things take loooooooonger than others to let the humor shine through! Like the most embarrassing moments can come to be the most hilarious, just not right away!! Humor is healing, isn’t it?

        • jannatwrites August 18, 2012 / 10:05 PM

          Laughter/humor are good for us, Janet. Your comment about some things taking longer to find the humor made me think of something that happened last year. My mom called our house and my older son answered the phone. He told her I wasn’t home, then told her I went on vacation by myself. My son knew I wasn’t by myself- my best friend and I went to a retreat with my church and I was in a cabin with no cell service. When I got back into town, I found three messages from my mom, and before I listened to them all, she called me. Since I went on vacation alone and my son didn’t know when I was coming back, my mom thought my husband and I had a fight and I left him! I was so mad at him that day. Now, I can laugh at it. However, I do my best to get to the phone before he does 🙂

        • cuhome August 20, 2012 / 8:44 AM

          Those silly sit-coms we watch aren’t so unrealistic, after all, are they? (Well, maybe sometimes….)

        • jannatwrites August 20, 2012 / 10:34 PM

          Hmmm…my life’s problems don’t get resolved in 25 minutes. Sheesh, wouldn’t that be nice?

  9. braintomahawk August 18, 2012 / 5:07 PM

    Well after all of the shady looking searches, he should be relieved that you decided on counseling ;).
    Also did he wonder/worry about what he may have done to warrant that search? You could have milked that for dinner out one night, or at least a foot massage.

    • jannatwrites August 18, 2012 / 10:11 PM

      Dang. Another missed opportunity…I settled for avoidance of a long discussion about whether or not I am happy. Dinner would’ve been nice!

      I’ve made a note to periodically clear my search history. (Will have to find out how to do this on my android phone, as well.)

  10. nrhatch August 18, 2012 / 8:19 PM

    Some of the searches we do, out of context, are apt to raise eyebrows! 😯

    • jannatwrites August 18, 2012 / 10:13 PM

      That’s the truth, Nancy! (Love the bug-eyed smiley.)

  11. pattyabr August 18, 2012 / 8:54 PM

    If my husband found something that I had done a search, I don’t think he would’ve thought anything of it. Now if I saw him looking at that, that would be another story.

    • jannatwrites August 18, 2012 / 10:15 PM

      That’s funny, Patty. If he doesn’t write fiction, I think I’d wonder as well 🙂

  12. diannegray August 21, 2012 / 8:41 PM

    Oh my God, this is so funny! I’m always worried about doing searches for ways to kill people without detection!!! My hubby’s friends ask if he sleeps well at night.

    This is fantastic, Janna and just what I needed to make me giggle hysterically after sitting in the car for the last eight hours 😀

    • jannatwrites August 21, 2012 / 10:43 PM

      Yeah, leave it to me to do ‘suspect’ searches. I hope I don’t decide to write a story with a terrorist as a character 🙂 I’m glad you got some giggles from this, Dianne. You comment made me laugh, too!

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