Rush Hour

Car 1:  I explained to the officer that I’d moved into the center lane two miles ago.  Eyes squinted against the rising sun; I didn’t see, only felt, the car coming at my left side.

Car 2:  I used my right signal, but she mirrored my actions.  I slowed down, so did she… I sped up, she did, too.  I found an opening and moved right, but she gained speed.

“Witness”:  Traffic expanded and contracted like an accordion.  In between brake taps, I applied make-up.  Collision happened; I braked and swerved.  I dropped my mascara and phone.  Now, how much to tell the officer…


This is my second entry in the weekend Trifecta challenge.  It’s a fun one!  Anyway, here are the instructions they gave (if you want to join the fun, check out their site for full details):

This weekend, we return to the 33-word prompt, but this time, a 33-word prompt with a twist. Your task, should you choose to accept, is to take a scene that involves (or affects) at least three people. You should then write this scene from the point of view of three of the characters, using 33 words for each character.


26 thoughts on “Rush Hour

  1. nrhatch April 28, 2012 / 7:27 PM

    Oh, no . . . she dropped her mascara AND her phone?! 😉

    • jannatwrites April 28, 2012 / 7:37 PM

      Yeah, it was a rough morning, Nancy. She really should get blue tooth 🙂

    • OldDogNewTits April 29, 2012 / 12:28 AM

      Totally what I was thinking. Probably her Egg McMuffin, too.

      • jannatwrites April 29, 2012 / 11:06 AM

        Too bad I ran out of words – the McMuffin would’ve been a nice touch 🙂

  2. pattisj April 28, 2012 / 8:31 PM

    I think I saw that accident…

    • jannatwrites April 29, 2012 / 10:57 AM

      I think we see it far too often, Patti! (I’m on the road quite a bit and just when I think I’ve seen it all, I see something even scarier :))

  3. Cipriano April 28, 2012 / 9:18 PM

    Good work. Great story.

    • jannatwrites April 29, 2012 / 10:57 AM

      Thanks for stopping by to read, Cipriano!

  4. The Gal Herself April 28, 2012 / 10:01 PM

    “Mascara and phone.” I’m both smiling and shaking my head. I know, I know. Just this once, for a second, nothing will happen … Nicely done.

    • jannatwrites April 29, 2012 / 10:58 AM

      Oh, I’ve seen ladies painting nails and men shaving. The roads are a scary place to be 🙂 Thanks for reading, Gal – I appreciate it!

    • jannatwrites April 29, 2012 / 10:59 AM

      Well, here in Phoenix, surface streets aren’t any better. The only safe place is out of town! Thanks for reading, Carl!

  5. Trifecta (@trifectawriting) April 29, 2012 / 2:35 AM

    Thanks for linking up to Trifextra this weekend. Great job with the prompt. I love how the things you didn’t say were what told the story for us. Also, the accordion line is beautiful. Nicely done. Hope to see you back again soon.

    • jannatwrites April 29, 2012 / 11:07 AM

      Thanks for your feedback, Trifecta. I’m having fun with this challenge 🙂

    • jannatwrites April 29, 2012 / 11:11 AM

      Well, I do have fun with them (when inspiration cooperates.) Thanks for reading them. Next week may not be as many because it’s a busy one 🙂

  6. Linda Vernon April 29, 2012 / 10:19 AM

    Well done. I love the ending. How much to tell the officer indeed!

    • jannatwrites April 29, 2012 / 11:12 AM

      She’s thinking less might be more, here. I’m not sure how reliable a witness can be when she’s putting on her face and yapping to a friend! Thanks for reading, Linda!

  7. jesterqueen (@jesterqueen) April 29, 2012 / 5:55 PM

    Hmm…Well witness, I’d say avoid the part where you scream “I’m GUILTY”. Loved the traffic expanding and contracting like an accordion!

    • jannatwrites April 29, 2012 / 8:26 PM

      Well, she was a bit too preoccupied to tell them much about what happened, Jester Queen. Thanks for reading all 3 of my entries this week 🙂

  8. philosophermouseofthehedge April 30, 2012 / 6:39 PM

    These writings are like a bee encounter: felt (more than heard) wings frantically flying. Then a buzzing getting ever louder. Finally that jolt of a sting and a slap.
    Impressive work!

    • jannatwrites May 1, 2012 / 12:03 AM

      I enjoyed your description, Phil. I never thought of a bee encounter as a good thing 🙂 I appreciate you taking the time to read and share your thoughts.

  9. karen April 30, 2012 / 6:57 PM

    It makes me really glad I gave up the morning commute (and afternoon) and my car, as of last year. I don’t miss this stuff a bit, especially the part where I applied makeup on the way to some job or another. But that was pre cel phones …

    • jannatwrites May 1, 2012 / 12:05 AM

      I’m so envious of you right now, Karen – I’d love to give up the commute! One day 🙂

      Thanks for reading!

  10. pattyabr April 30, 2012 / 9:13 PM

    I like these series of trifectas

    • jannatwrites May 1, 2012 / 12:07 AM

      Thanks, Patty – I appreciate you stopping by to read them 🙂

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