The Light

THE LIGHT

Unfamiliar voices.  My condition, prognosis:  severe trauma… coma… likely brain damage…

I say, “help.”  They don’t hear.

I reach.  They don’t see.

“Let her go,” my husband says.

Silence.

Where is the light?

~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-~~~-

This week’s Trifecta weekend challenge:  “Write a horror story in 33 words, without the words blood, scream, died, death, knife, gun, or kill. Good luck.”

This is my second entry, and I thought I’d better take the challenge seriously.  This scenario scares me…does it scare  you?

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38 thoughts on “The Light

  1. nrhatch March 31, 2012 / 8:16 AM

    Actually, no. It doesn’t scare me . . . but you’re probably going to give other readers nightmares tonight.

    Go Janna!

    • jannatwrites March 31, 2012 / 8:24 AM

      I should clarify – dying doesn’t really scare me…not seeing the light does 🙂

      Thanks for reading, Nancy!

  2. newwhitebear March 31, 2012 / 12:07 PM

    It’s worrying! There’s the sensation that you are a dead man but alive.

    • jannatwrites March 31, 2012 / 8:08 PM

      Yes, it’s that in between space – the unknown that can be scary. Thanks for reading 🙂

    • jannatwrites March 31, 2012 / 8:14 PM

      Thanks, Mel. I appreciate you stopping by to read my story 🙂

  3. pattyabr March 31, 2012 / 4:56 PM

    wow that is too real to my real life

    • jannatwrites March 31, 2012 / 8:18 PM

      I hope you are referring to the medical part, rather than a personal disconnect with those around you, Patty. Thanks for visiting today!

      • pattyabr March 31, 2012 / 8:36 PM

        yes the medical part 🙂

        • jannatwrites March 31, 2012 / 8:37 PM

          Oh, good, Patty! I’m glad to hear that 🙂

  4. pattisj March 31, 2012 / 8:51 PM

    Have to wonder if that’s ever happened.

    • jannatwrites March 31, 2012 / 8:56 PM

      We have no way to know…I think that’s why it’s scary. Thanks for reading, Patti!

    • jannatwrites March 31, 2012 / 10:18 PM

      That was the scariest part to me, too, SLP. The thought of leaving this life into nothing is so depressing. Thanks for reading, Amy!

  5. Dana March 31, 2012 / 10:47 PM

    EEK! You just *nailed* my biggest fear! I want my mind to “pass on” before my body shuts down. *shudder* Seriously.

    • jannatwrites March 31, 2012 / 11:08 PM

      Glad I’m not alone, Dana. This story was a 2-for-1 as far as my fears are concerned (well, three, if you count the fact it is in a hospital :)) Thanks for checking out my story!

  6. SusanWritesPrecise April 1, 2012 / 5:35 AM

    Yikes! It never occurred to me NOT to see the light. That would indeed, be horrific!

    • jannatwrites April 1, 2012 / 1:14 PM

      An eternity of darkness would be miserable. Thanks for stopping by to read my 33-word story, Susan.

  7. LetMeStartBySaying (@LetMeStart) April 1, 2012 / 6:00 AM

    Being ‘in there’ but the others around you don’t know? Horrifying to me. Nice job.
    Came from the Trifextra linkup.

    • jannatwrites April 1, 2012 / 1:15 PM

      Thanks, LetMeStartBySaying. I appreciate you reading it and sharing your thoughts.

    • jannatwrites April 1, 2012 / 1:16 PM

      Thanks for the shout out…I’m curious to see your post…I’ll check it out soon!

    • jannatwrites April 1, 2012 / 1:20 PM

      I’ve heard of instances where a person has was unable to move or speak, but had been conscious of what was happening around them. With no way to communicate, loved ones had no idea they were very much alive. Thanks for stopping by, ODNT!

  8. Debbie April 1, 2012 / 11:01 AM

    Powerful writing and message in a tiny bundle of words, Janna!

    • jannatwrites April 1, 2012 / 1:20 PM

      Thanks, Debbie…and, thanks (as always) for reading and sharing your thoughts!

  9. philosophermouseofthehedge April 1, 2012 / 1:59 PM

    Just outstanding. Cannot applaud enough. It’s just amazing you create so strong a story / reaction with so few words. Artistry

    • jannatwrites April 1, 2012 / 2:36 PM

      Thank you for the huge compliment, Phil. I’m glad this story ‘spoke’ to you. Thanks for reading and sharing your nice comment 🙂

  10. Sandra April 1, 2012 / 4:07 PM

    Maybe there’s some unfinished business? Maybe the light will appear when she’s totally ready? I’m just not convinced this is a bad ending, yet. =)

    • jannatwrites April 1, 2012 / 4:14 PM

      I like your optimism, Sandra! Maybe she will see the light…but darkness could still lead her way…who knows?

  11. jeanne April 1, 2012 / 5:28 PM

    One of my fears in life is to be unable to communicate…a true horror story!

    • jannatwrites April 1, 2012 / 6:43 PM

      I shudder to imagine it…I pray it never happens. Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts, Jeanne.

  12. chrstnj April 2, 2012 / 9:45 AM

    That last line really added a layer of horror upon horror. Bad enough to be trapped, unable to let people know you’re still alive – but then to have your hopes for an afterlife dashed as well? Very nicely done.

    • jannatwrites April 2, 2012 / 10:20 PM

      Thanks, Chrstnj. I appreciate you reading and sharing your thoughts….you “got” the horror I wanted to convey 🙂

  13. clarbojahn April 2, 2012 / 6:00 PM

    yes this scares me for all the above reasons. This is a horror story naturally and not the truth. Unfortunately we don’t know what happens to us after death. And she wasn’t even dead. Maybe in a coma. Comatose patients hear but can’t communicate. That’s why loved ones read to them and nurses leave their favorite music on at the bedside. The doctors do an EEG to tell if the brain is still working before they cut the life lines.

    This scary story is fiction at its finest but not a shred of truth in it. Thanks for sharing. 🙂

    • jannatwrites April 2, 2012 / 10:27 PM

      Yes, of course it is fiction, and sketchy at that (not avoidable with only 33 words to use :)) Thanks for reading and sharing your comments, Clar. I appreciate it!

      • clarbojahn April 3, 2012 / 8:14 AM

        The chilling it gave me in 33 words was well worth it. And horror isn’t my genre. Good job, Janna! 🙂

        • jannatwrites April 3, 2012 / 5:18 PM

          Horror isn’t my genre either, Clar (obviously!)

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