Determination: Side Effect Of Anger

My emotions have run the gamut this week.  Hope, anger, frustration, helplessness, and determination have broken me down and pulled me back together.  Exhausting, yes…but it was a much-needed tune up.

I wish I could tell the full story here and get it all off my chest, but hubby’s job is off-limits.  All I can say is that last week, we found out that even though his employer is engaging in barely-legal retaliatory actions, there’s nothing much we can do (unless we have upwards of 30K for a lawyer and the stamina for years of battle).

I want hubby to walk away.  He doesn’t want to fold.

Months of anger and frustration came out in the form of a first-class hissy fit that would make any toddler sit up and take notice.  I sat alone in my car crying, screaming and spewing angry words that I would never say in the company of others (and frankly, should not say alone either!)

Except for my puffy eyes and stuffed-up nose, I felt better after the cry.  After dallying in hateful thoughts of how I could inflict misery upon the perpetrators, I began to think of ways I could turn my anger into something positive.  I came up with several ideas.

An elected official isn’t helping our situation.  That night, I decided volunteer for the opponent’s campaign, as this in an election year.  I submitted a form to offer assistance with blogs, letters to editors, flyers – anything written.  (I wrote a post back in 2010 about why I shouldn’t talk to people (I’m Better On Paper), if you haven’t read it already.)

See?  Shameless self-promotion carried out so easily by my fingertips, but could never be uttered by my lips 🙂  Sheesh, I can’t even tell people I have a blog, much less suggest that it’s worthy of their time to read it!  (So, how could I possibly verbally convince someone to vote for a candidate?)

I honestly don’t know if this candidate has a serious chance of toppling the incumbent, but I will give them my support.  It’s what I need to do turn anger into something good.

Oh, I am doing one more thing:  I’m praying for enlightenment.  Maybe hubby will see the light and leave, realizing that quitting might be best for his sanity.  Or maybe this is a fight he’s supposed to take on.  My prayer is that God will lead us in the “right” direction.

Psalm 37:1-2:  Do not fret because of evil men or be envious of those who do wrong; for like the grass they will soon wither, like green plants they will soon die away.

P.S.  This is not a political blog, so I will not write political posts here.  That identity will be completely separate.  (So many personalities emerging…I wonder if this is how Sybil felt?)


22 thoughts on “Determination: Side Effect Of Anger

  1. J. P. Cabit March 18, 2012 / 5:26 AM

    That sounds exciting Janna! Good luck & God bless with your new endeavors. I always like to say that if I don’t get involved, I can’t complain…and I do like to complain. 🙂

    • jannatwrites March 18, 2012 / 12:36 PM

      Thanks, Seph! I have a certain cynicism (or is it awareness of reality?) that the new candidate is probably no better – or will end up no better by the end of the term. I’m curious to see if helping with a campaign restores any faith in our political process 🙂

  2. suzicate March 18, 2012 / 6:48 AM

    Wishing the best for you and your family.

    • jannatwrites March 18, 2012 / 12:37 PM

      Thanks, SuziCate. We all get along the best we can 🙂

  3. Debbie March 18, 2012 / 12:10 PM

    Janna, you have my sympathy. With the economy the way it is today, it’s hard for most people to just walk away from a job, no matter how miserable they (and their family) are. I think you’ve chosen two productive avenues — helping with the challenger’s campaign and praying for wisdom. God has a way of working things out for His own. Hang in there, and know I’m praying for you!

    • jannatwrites March 18, 2012 / 1:09 PM

      Thanks, Debbie. He’s finally seeing that it might not be a bad idea to look at other opportunities. The “right” one might just come along. I appreciate your thoughts and prayers. In the meantime, I’ll see if I can release my stress before I reach the temper tantrum breaking point 🙂

  4. pattisj March 18, 2012 / 12:50 PM

    Don’t you love finding a Psalm that speaks to what’s on your heart? Praying over this job situation, and the proper response.

    • JannatWrites March 18, 2012 / 1:35 PM

      I get goosebumps any time a scripture speaks to me. It’s often the reassurance I need when I feel most unsure about where I stand. Thanks for your prayers, Patti. I appreciate it 🙂

  5. Carl D'Agostino March 18, 2012 / 2:59 PM

    Psalm 37:1-2: Do not fret because of evil men or be envious of those who do wrong; for like the grass they will soon wither, like green plants they will soon die away.

    Perhaps a good idea. But best to have alternative garden or two in hip pocket so to speak. I had ups and downs in teaching, but after the 10th year and then the 20th you get stuck because you need the 30 years, If we can extract ourselves from daily chronic stress, best to choose that path. Continuing the fight enslaves us and finding a new path gives us the ultimate victory.

    • jannatwrites March 18, 2012 / 7:49 PM

      Retirement is a consideration, Carl. It’s all about weighing sanity vs. paycheck (and future security). We have retirement plans outside our employer’s too because I’ve seen too many people count on a company pension, only to have the company change (read: reduce) pension benefits before their retirement.

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I’m glad you are in retirement now, because you seem to enjoy it pretty well!

  6. jeanne March 18, 2012 / 3:35 PM

    Of course I do not know the details, but I can relate to working in a hostile environment. I prayed, listened to God, humbled myself, was obedient to God’s leading and then God resuced me from the situation.
    I now have a wonderful job and work with great people.

    • jannatwrites March 18, 2012 / 7:55 PM

      Your story gives me hope, Jeanne. I’m so glad God led you away from the awful situation to a better place. I look forward to the day when we find our way 🙂

  7. nrhatch March 18, 2012 / 4:49 PM

    There is a possibility that an attorney would handle the case on contingency (taking a % of the recovery, if there is one) . . . or even pro bono (if they feel that the cause has merit and might be “free publicity” for them).

    Without knowing details, that’s the best I can suggest . . . just talking to a few attorneys to see if FIGHT makes more sense than FLIGHT.

    • jannatwrites March 18, 2012 / 7:59 PM

      It’s something to look into, Nancy. Time will tell us which route makes sense. So far, the three attorney’s he’s called have steep consultation fees (between $300 and $400) It’s cost prohibitive to speak with multiple attorneys. It’s a big city and there could be others that won’t charge for consult, but he will have to determine if he wants to spend his time searching for attorneys or opportunities. Thanks for sharing your suggestions…it’s definitely something that needs to be approached thoughtfully.

  8. pattyabr March 18, 2012 / 6:54 PM

    I hope things get better for you. Good luck and take care

    • jannatwrites March 18, 2012 / 8:03 PM

      Thanks, Patty. I know things will get better…it’s just a matter of when 🙂

  9. Eric Alagan March 19, 2012 / 1:24 AM


    I faced a similar situation a few years ago in my work life. My wife wanted me to quit as she saw how it was tearing me apart.

    When I looked at my children, all in school and considered their future, I couldn’t just quit. We did consider legals but decided against that. I flushed my pride down the loo and put up with all the shit my employer threw at me. They left me with not a shred of dignity but I endured it…for my family. I arranged something and left at my time – not theirs

    I could not fully understand how my wife felt and certainly not what you are going through. But I wish you and your hubby all the best in facing up to these bullies in whatever way you think best.

    Luv and peace, Eric

    • jannatwrites March 19, 2012 / 7:22 PM

      It sounds like you can relate to our situation. My husband is working on other options, but will not leave until something else is lined up. It is sad that employers do this, but I admire you for being able to put up with the garbage and carry on despite the environment.

      Thanks for your support and well-wished, and for sharing your story and how you handled it. I appreciate it!

  10. cuhome March 19, 2012 / 8:02 AM

    Good luck on turning this situation into a positive. I liked, especially, your comment: “Shameless self-promotion carried out so easily by my fingertips, but could never be uttered by my lips”. I totally get that!

    • jannatwrites March 19, 2012 / 7:23 PM

      Thanks, Cuhome. I’m glad I’m not the only one with self-promotion issues…could be why I detest job interviews 😉

  11. columbibueno March 22, 2012 / 8:10 AM

    Very tough situation! Yes, prayer works wonders…

    When I get stressed out from things/people pushing my buttons, I pretend I’m watching a movie. I listen, analyze and sock away the material for later writing use.

    • jannatwrites March 22, 2012 / 3:43 PM

      Later writing use…that’s a good idea, Columbibueno. At least then, the struggles have added benefit. I don’t generally journal, but I have been keeping some notes on this situation. Thanks for visiting and sharing your thoughts.

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