In my January 22nd post, I wrote about my fear and worry associated with our dog, Josie’s health. I appreciate all the prayers, well-wishes, good thoughts and candle-lighting that you did in response to that post. Your kindness helped me through a tough time. It has been several weeks now, and I’m happy (relieved) to report no more full-fledged seizures. Of course, she does still have twitches and balance issues that make my heart skip a beat, but nothing like the middle-of-the-night horror I witnessed before my husband rushed her to the animal hospital in January.
Sometimes God responds to prayers with a “no” (like a parent does when a child wants a candy bar for dinner). The child may not like the answer, but the parent knows more about nutrition.
This time, God gave me the answer I wanted to hear – “it’s not Josie’s time to go.” I know very well that this answer could change at any time. Hey, it could change for me, or anyone I love. Remembering this helps me to step back and be thankful for the blessings I do have – even when they don’t feel like blessings in the moment.
When my kids are testing their boundaries (and my patience), it’s easy to forget that God’s plan is probably not to drive me insane by my 40th birthday. Maybe it is…I don’t know. If so, God will be pleased to know that as of last night, His plan is on track.
When I come home to yet another dog accident in our bathroom, and wish for a spotless house, I forget that each of our pets touches my soul in ways that make me a better person. I have to remind myself that if God intended me to have floors clean enough to eat off of, tables and plates would not have been invented.
Like the constant, powerful movement of water sculpts rock formations, events in my life work in repetitive motions to mold me into what He planned for me since the day I took my first breath. It is amazing to me that water – a substance we drink everyday – can so drastically change a rock’s appearance. A rock seems so solid and unmovable. Kind of like me, at times.
I’d like to think that my faith makes me pliable in Your hands, but I’d be kidding myself. There are times when even I can recognize my rigidity. Time and again, You have shown that when I trust You, I am not let down, and I am not alone. Yet I still have a tendency to hold my fears and worries close to my chest, even as I pray that I might have the strength to let them go. This push and pull leaves me nothing but a knot in my stomach.
I go to sleep with a heavy heart and this prayer on my lips;
That you will give me the strength to tip the balance –
To trust that even if my worries are just and fears are realized,
You will not leave me cold and hungry, but will continue to provide.