Fear is an unwelcome guest who drops by unannounced and brings two mischievous cousins – Worry and Doubt. I bolt the door and pretend I’m not home, but fear doesn’t care. It kicks the door open and drops its overstuffed 6-piece luggage set in my entryway, switches the TV to ESPN (oh, wait…that was hubby :)), eats all my brownies and has the nerve to leave the crumbs between my couch cushions.
I put on my ‘nice’ face (i.e., not the one I wear when the kids use my best kitchen scissors to try to cut rocks in the back yard) and sweetly ask Fear how long it plans to stay. Fear laughs at me and cranes its neck to see the TV screen behind me. Doubt and Worry get inside my head and mess with my senses. I begin to wonder if I can extricate the trio from my life.
Fear comes in different forms.
There is the fear punishment and infliction of mental anguish:
There is fear involving life and death – our mortality or that of someone we love.
Some of you might remember how Josie came into our lives in November. If not, click here for the story.
Last week, Josie started having seizures again. The mild seizure activity from the evening culminated in my hubby rushing her to an all-night animal hospital at 2AM after a horrifying seizure. She was stabilized and so far, her blood work is normal. The only test result missing is Valley Fever, but the vet is skeptical this is the cause of her issues.
Little Josie is on Phenobarbital now. At least the Pharmacist has a sense of humor….they sent home a bottle of small pills with instructions to cut them into fourths. I crushed the first pill I tried to cut, and no amount of angry muttering could put it back together again. My husband got one clean cut before botching the second cut and nearly cutting his fingertip.
For two days, I have been watching Josie. Every facial twitch, muscle spasm and collapse of her legs sends my heart into my stomach and riles Fear (and the annoying cousins.) I fear each errant movement will turn out to be another “big one”. I doubt my ability to calmly get through the experience, and I worry I won’t know when God says it’s time to let go.
We’ve been told it can take several weeks for the medication to get in her bloodstream. We’ve also been advised that the wobbliness is normal. For me, neither statement offers much comfort. I’ve had to look elsewhere for that.
John 14:27: Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
I open the door of my heart for Peace to make itself at home. With Peace, there is no room for Fear, Worry or Doubt.