Fear Should Not Be A Factor

Fear is an unwelcome guest who drops by unannounced and brings two mischievous cousins – Worry and Doubt.  I bolt the door and pretend I’m not home, but fear doesn’t care.  It kicks the door open and drops its overstuffed 6-piece luggage set in my entryway, switches the TV to ESPN (oh, wait…that was hubby :)), eats all my brownies and has the nerve to leave the crumbs between my couch cushions.

I put on my ‘nice’ face (i.e., not the one I wear when the kids use my best kitchen scissors to try to cut rocks in the back yard) and sweetly ask Fear how long it plans to stay.  Fear laughs at me and cranes its neck to see the TV screen behind me.  Doubt and Worry get inside my head and mess with my senses.  I begin to wonder if I can extricate the trio from my life.

Fear comes in different forms.

There is the fear punishment and infliction of mental anguish:

The IRS and I are pen pals. There's another post in this mess somewhere!

There is fear involving life and death – our mortality or that of someone we love.

Whole lotta sweet, in a little bit o' dog

Some of you might remember how Josie came into our lives in November.  If not, click here for the story.

Last week, Josie started having seizures again.  The mild seizure activity from the evening culminated in my hubby rushing her to an all-night animal hospital at 2AM after a horrifying seizure.  She was stabilized and so far, her blood work is normal.  The only test result missing is Valley Fever, but the vet is skeptical this is the cause of her issues.

Little Josie is on Phenobarbital now.  At least the Pharmacist has a sense of humor….they sent home a bottle of small pills with instructions to cut them into fourths.  I crushed the first pill I tried to cut, and no amount of angry muttering could put it back together again.  My husband got one clean cut before botching the second cut and nearly cutting his fingertip.

For two days, I have been watching Josie.  Every facial twitch, muscle spasm and collapse of her legs sends my heart into my stomach and riles Fear (and the annoying cousins.)  I fear each errant movement will turn out to be another “big one”.  I doubt my ability to calmly get through the experience, and I worry I won’t know when God says it’s time to let go.

We’ve been told it can take several weeks for the medication to get in her bloodstream.  We’ve also been advised that the wobbliness is normal.  For me, neither statement offers much comfort.  I’ve had to look elsewhere for that.

John 14:27:  Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

I open the door of my heart for Peace to make itself at home.  With Peace, there is no room for Fear, Worry or Doubt.

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22 thoughts on “Fear Should Not Be A Factor

  1. Widdershins January 22, 2012 / 2:43 AM

    Poor little bunny … lighting a candle for her.

    • jannatwrites January 22, 2012 / 6:06 PM

      Thanks, Widdershins. She’s really got me on edge 🙂

  2. suzicate January 22, 2012 / 7:47 AM

    Lifting Josie up in prayer.

    • jannatwrites January 22, 2012 / 6:07 PM

      Thanks, SuziCate. I do hope that she gets stabilized and has more time with us.

  3. Debbie January 22, 2012 / 9:34 AM

    Nothing much worse than Worry, is there? I sympathize with you regarding your little dog and pray everything will turn out okay. It’s so hard when someone we love is ailing in any way and there’s little we can do to make it better for them — such a feeling of helplessness. You’ve nailed it, though, in turning it over to God for His Peace!

    • jannatwrites January 22, 2012 / 6:09 PM

      Worry is a terrible thing, Debbie. I tend to carry it around with me as a rock weighing down my stomach. It’s so freeing when I can shake it loose and live lightly. Thanks for sharing your support, Debbie. I appreciate it 🙂

  4. nrhatch January 22, 2012 / 1:52 PM

    Aww . . . poor pup.
    I hope she’s feeling better soon . . .

    You feel better too! (BTW: The intro to this piece had me SMILING).

    Worry (and Fear) are interest paid on a debt we may not owe. So try not to worry . . . even though that’s easier said than done.

    • jannatwrites January 22, 2012 / 6:14 PM

      I’m glad the first part brought a smile, Nancy. Even though I feel down, I couldn’t have a completely depressing post 🙂

      She is so unsteady on her feet, I keep reminding myself that it could get better after the meds get in her system. I do agree that not worrying is easier said than done, but I’ll do my best!

  5. pattyabr January 22, 2012 / 4:10 PM

    I hope you got a tablet splitter @ the pharmacy but that being said sometimes those pills are so tiny even the sharpest blade can pulverize those tablets
    Prayers for Josie being sent.

    • jannatwrites January 22, 2012 / 6:17 PM

      The pharmacy just told us to use a butter knife. When that didn’t work, we used a “real” knife. Neither worked well 🙂 The vet mentioned having a liquid formulated, but if that doesn’t happen, I’ll check into that pill splitter. Thanks for the suggestion, Patty. (I appreciate the prayers for Josie, too. It’s amazing how attached I’ve gotten in two short months!)

  6. pattisj January 22, 2012 / 7:08 PM

    Sorry to hear about Josie. It is amazing how quickly they steal our hearts. Praying for wisdom regarding her treatment, and healing for her little body. Penpals with the IRS?? You need to be more choosy in picking friends! lol

    • jannatwrites January 22, 2012 / 9:42 PM

      Hey, with friends like the IRS, who needs enemies?

      Thanks for the prayers for Josie. I do hope I’ll be able to write of her improvement in the coming weeks, Patti.

  7. judithhb January 22, 2012 / 7:26 PM

    Lotte once had a seizure and it was very frightening so I sympathise with you. Sending warm wishes to you and Josie from Lotte and me on the other side of the world

    • jannatwrites January 22, 2012 / 9:44 PM

      Oh, thanks so much Judith! It was such a helpless feeling to just stand there and not be able to do anything. She still has a lot of odd twitches, shakes and muscle weakness, but I do hope the meds are able to prevent another bad seizure.

  8. jeanne January 22, 2012 / 8:10 PM

    So sorry to hear Josie is suffering from seizures. I pray the medication gets into her system quickly. I am also prayerful that worry and fear will be replaced by a peace that surpasses all understanding. Hugs to you and Josie.

    • jannatwrites January 22, 2012 / 9:52 PM

      Thank you so much for the prayers, Jeanne. Peace isn’t instantaneous, but my heart is not as heavy as it was yesterday. That’s a step in the right direction.

  9. Spiritual Junkie January 23, 2012 / 4:57 AM

    and you say your life is not worthy of a memoir?, your battles with the IRS, and your dog’s survival, was enough to hook me.great stuff : )

    • jannatwrites January 23, 2012 / 10:29 PM

      Aw, thanks, Spritual Junkie. But really, both things just amounted to me erupting into an uncontrollable fit of tears. (Caused by frustration with the IRS and worry about my dog.) I guess I could write the shortest memoir ever 🙂

    • jannatwrites January 23, 2012 / 10:29 PM

      Thanks, Connor…I appreciate it. It is hard to watch, but at least she doesn’t seem to be in pain right now.

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