Oops…I Did It Again

When my older son was two years old, my mother-in-law (MIL) gave me a gray Pink Panther track suit for Christmas.  The Pink Panther’s head – in hot pink, of course, covered the back of the jacket.  My eyebrows rose at the “PINK PANTHER” lettering that ran down the side of one pant leg.  Not quite my style, but it was better than having “JUICY” or “PINK” in large letters across my behind.  (I don’t use my backside for advertising, although I’ve got the real estate for at least two lines.)

“Isn’t it cute?” MIL gushed.

“Um…yes,” I hesitated.  If you’re fourteen.

“Go try it on,” she urged.

Panicked, I looked at my hubby.  With a smile, he said, “Yeah, babe.  Go try it on.”

I made a mental note to tell my MIL he wanted a Speedo next Christmas.  Then I did as requested, so as not to be rude.

The room I used (unfortunately) had a mirror.  The pants looked as tight around my midsection as they felt.  They were held up by a drawstring tie, meant to sit on my hips.  To my horror, my C-section flab threatened to spill over the waistband.  I tried to suck it in, but couldn’t fight gravity and lazy ab muscles.  I had no waist or hips, so I was one-wrong-tug-from-a-two-year-old away from total humiliation.

Even though I said the suit was too small, my MIL insisted it looked good.  When she revealed she bought it in the Junior’s section, it all made sense.  Girls at that age still have waists, hips and flat tummies.  I, on the other hand, do not.

I want to be stylish but not trendy.  In reality, I’m neither, but I try.

This year, I bought a pair of fleece pajamas the day after Thanksgiving.  When I got home, I had to cut the tags to get the pajamas unbundled.  The size looked about right, but I decided to try them on just to be sure.  After I slipped the pants on, I bent down to get the shirt off the floor.  The pants slid down my backside in a way that any plumber would admire.

Seven years and (one more C-section) later, I was reminded of the traumatic track suit experience.  A sick feeling crept over me as I dug the tags out of the trash.  Tiny letters on the side of the tag confirmed the ugly truth I already knew:  “JUNIORS.”

I can add this to the list of things my momma didn’t tell me:  my waist will get higher as I get older.  (It can’t be that my tummy and backside get bigger.)

Still in my super-low-waist pajamas, I directed my frustration with clothing manufacturers at my hubby.  He listened sat quietly in front of the TV as I complained they should label Junior’s clothes like they do Petites with a letter in front of the S, M, or L.  Like maybe JS, JM, and JL?

Satisfied that hubby would get to sending complaints to the manufacturers (right after the football game,) I went back to the full-length mirror and did a few knee bends, pulling the matching shirt down to cover my back flesh, I thought about gathering the tags, driving to the store, and exchanging the pajamas, but then decided, “I just don’t care.”

Momma always told me I worried too much.  I guess this is a step in the right direction.  Although that could depend on whether you’re in front of me or behind me 🙂

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23 thoughts on “Oops…I Did It Again

    • jannatwrites December 6, 2011 / 5:26 PM

      I’ve never seen that movie, Connor. I know, I’m probably the only person on this planet who hasn’t.

      • jannatwrites December 6, 2011 / 9:31 PM

        Thanks for sharing the link, Nancy. I wonder if perhaps I looked like a ‘deranged bunny’? Poor kiddo.

      • pattisj December 6, 2011 / 11:25 PM

        I haven’t seen this, either. Thanks for sharing, Nancy.

  1. Carl D'Agostino December 6, 2011 / 10:31 AM

    My. my! And the President thinks he has problems.

    • jannatwrites December 6, 2011 / 5:29 PM

      Of course my issues dwarf his any day of the week. Carl. This is so much more troubling than the economy or the war on terror.

  2. nrhatch December 6, 2011 / 11:01 AM

    Ooh, you can play Peek~A~Boo! Or should I say Peek~A~Butt? 😉

    I like comfy clothes that let ME hang out . . . without letting IT all hang out.

    • jannatwrites December 6, 2011 / 5:30 PM

      That would be a frightening game, Nancy. I’m pretty sure I’d lose friends that way! You’re right – clothes that express us (not expose us) are best 🙂

  3. Judith December 6, 2011 / 11:46 AM

    OK so I am no longer Miss Junior High – was I ever? I hope that you eventually forgave your MIL for her gift – did she wear clothes like that herself?

    • jannatwrites December 6, 2011 / 5:32 PM

      Judith – I never held a grudge about the gift (but I secretly hoped she wouldn’t buy clothing anymore.) I did get more clothing, but I stood my ground and took the sweater back and we shopped for a different one together.

      She does wear her clothes tighter than I wear mine, but she is comfortable with that. I like a little more ‘breathing room’ 🙂

  4. Aligaeta December 6, 2011 / 12:09 PM

    It’s the same story with those Calvin Klein panties. LOL

    • jannatwrites December 6, 2011 / 5:34 PM

      I’ve never tried that brand of panties, but I’ve had my issues with Victoria’s secret. Ill-fitting undergarments are torture!

      Haven’t heard from you in a while…I hope your job is going well, Aligaeta.

  5. Debbie December 6, 2011 / 12:12 PM

    Oh, the joys of buying (and receiving!) clothes from our in-laws! I suppose it can be something of a consolation that MIL at least sees you as young and cute and thin, huh? Pink Panther wouldn’t be my cartoon character of choice, but it’s probably better than, say, Oscar the Grouch?? I think you’re onto something with that labeling, though — why can’t manufacturers say what they mean, rather than making everybody guess?!

    • jannatwrites December 6, 2011 / 5:37 PM

      Well, Debbie, Oscar the grouch might be more appropriate (especially if we’re talking first thing in the morning!)

      I do wish they would adopt different labeling. Most of the clothes I can obviously tell they are Juniors, but I’ve had a few sweaters that looked ‘old’ enough. The label could have saved me some trouble. If they can do a PM for Petite Medium, then they should be able to do a JM for Junior’s Medium!

      Sorry about the rant…I’m done now 🙂

  6. suzicate December 6, 2011 / 7:37 PM

    I know the feeling…I accidentally bought something in the jrs dept last year. But you know it’s really not our fault because they keep rearranging the stores! For the record, I so would have told the MIL that the hubby wanted a speedo…it’s never too late for revenge if you didn’t tell her! Don’t you think it would really brighten this years Christmas?

    • jannatwrites December 6, 2011 / 8:15 PM

      The idea of revenge does sound sweet, SuziCate, but I nixed the Speedo thing because I was afraid he might actually try it on 😉

      I’m glad I’m not the only one who has made the Juniors mistake. Hard to believe those clothes used to fit me!

  7. pattisj December 6, 2011 / 11:33 PM

    There’s something else I need to be thankful for–NOT getting one of those.

    • jannatwrites December 7, 2011 / 9:52 PM

      Blessings are all around, if we just take a moment to notice 😉

      I’m glad you have been spared, Patti!

  8. Cloonan December 7, 2011 / 7:41 PM

    I thought the same thing…Xmas story all over again. I wouldn’t worry; I’m certain you do a fine job pulling off the red outfit with little worry 🙂

    • jannatwrites December 7, 2011 / 9:57 PM

      Ha,ha! Thanks for your vote of confidence, Cloonan…however, I will never know. I can hide the truth better in clothes that are not sweater dresses! Besides, in Juniors, I’d probably need an XXXXL, and I’m not sure they make that size 😉

  9. Cloonan December 10, 2011 / 8:42 PM

    it’s the woman who makes the clothes 🙂

    • jannatwrites December 10, 2011 / 10:56 PM

      You’ve got a good point, Cloonan.

      (But some clothes just can be made to work no matter how hard a woman tries!)

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