When I decided to make a conscious effort to focus on my spiritual side earlier this year, I imagined steady growth and learning. If my journey were charted on a line graph, the line would only move up. Instead, my progress looks more like a depiction of stock market fluctuation – minus the extreme highs.
I’ve written about my lack of progress before, but have stayed on the path and continued to explore God’s word and my own soul. This week, I can see for miles from the plateau I’m lounging on. I can look back and see that I have travelled a long way. I can also see ahead, that I have an infinite distance in front of me that I can explore. Whether I rest on this plateau or dust myself off and keep walking is a choice that’s all my own.
This week, I didn’t read any scriptures. I didn’t spend time reflecting upon my life. The bigger concern is that I fell into my normal rhythm of worry and apprehension and chose to carry the burden on my own without once thinking to say a prayer for relief.
I’m not one to ask for help, even when I need it. It’s a character flaw that results in some teasing from friends. I guess I would prefer to shoulder all the responsibilities and become grouchy and tired. I’m sure my hubby adores this trait in me!
I haven’t shirked all of my spiritual responsibilities, though. I have said prayers, but not for my own relief. I have uttered simple prayers for the safety of a blogger friend’s nephew, a friend’s speedy recovery from surgery, and the safe-keeping of another friend’s father who is dying. I prayed that God would breathe enough strength to keep him warm until she was able to arrive and comfort him in the end.
This week, I rested on a plateau. I’m aware that I could easily stay here, so I’m asking God for the will to carve out time for reflection and the strength to share my burdens before they get too heavy. If it’s not too much, I’d also like to encourage others as I have been encouraged. Oh, and a pony.
Okay, scratch the pony; I have a small backyard.
Do you ever feel like you’re just living life instead of learning it? How do you find deeper meaning?