In my last post, I announced my decision to change my personal writing goals to ease up the pressure on myself. Up until then, I had more challenging writing goals and would come down hard on myself when I couldn’t meet them (which was most of the time).
Over the last few days, I’ve wondered if a part of me knew life would necessitate a change in my views and goals. (I haven’t written a single thing all week and I’m not the least bit bothered about it).
Earlier this week, I took my little one to the pediatrician because he wasn’t responding to medication as well as we thought he should. Our pediatrician sent me on my way with specific orders to take him to the emergency room immediately, without stopping anywhere. She said many words, but all I heard was “meningitis, blood work and spinal tap.” I obeyed – calling my husband and mom along the way.
Within minutes of arriving, my son left a mess all over the floor for housekeeping, and I got to see the receptionist’s fancy footwork as she quickly stepped aside to avoid it. He was in a room soon after and I had reinforcements (husband and mom) before I knew it. I have no idea about the actual time that elapsed, because I didn’t have a watch on. Even if I did, I don’t know if I would’ve remembered to look at it.
I’ve spent most of my recent days at the hospital with my little one. I left once to get cleaned up because I didn’t move as fast as the receptionist did and I couldn’t stand the smell any longer. Bath and Body Works lotion never smelled so good to me 🙂 I sneaked in half an hour to check e-mails and reply to a couple blog comments, but I didn’t have a chance to visit the blogs I follow. (I miss them!)
My little one was discharged just in time for us to take my older son out to dinner for his birthday. We came home and had cake and ice cream; the evening was all about him. For the last few days, other family members have taken care of my older one so my husband and I could be at the hospital. I felt like we abandoned him and I hope his night made him feel special. (He gets a big family birthday dinner this weekend, too.)
Writing won’t happen tonight; maybe it will tomorrow. I don’t have imagined goals put on me anymore, so I’m allowing myself this break; guilt-free. Life may have stunted my writing progress in the short-term, but I have a feeling the range of emotions I’ve experienced over the last few days will come out in my writing at some point, when I fully comprehend them. (Fear, worry, helplessness and relief have all overwhelmed me during the past few days.)
Each day, I acknowledge the blessings in my life. I purposefully remind myself of all the wonderful gifts (people and friendships) I have and not the “things” I don’t have. When I check on the kids before I go to bed tonight, I will see their chests rise and fall with each breath and feel the blessing much deeper than I did even last week.