First Day of School

First Day of School

Brand-new backpack.

Unused supplies

All organized,

Inside the bag.

He wakes with a knot

Deep in his belly;

Wants to stay with me-

But sick he is not.

The new school year begins,

He’s had other first days-

But not for the third grade;

This is all new again.

When I do get him to school,

He sees his old friends nearby.

Strange – he acts awkward and shy,

But then tries to play it “cool.”

It’s me who’s unsure what to do

When the time comes for me to leave;

Is goodbye now embarrassing?

What age is it they disown you?

These questions I silently ponder,

Attention caught by a gentle tug-

Two arms around my waist in a hug;

Leaving me nothing else to wonder.

I firmly return the loving embrace,

Soon, the moment is lost and he breaks free.

Now with his friends, I take what he’s left me-

An ache in my heart and smile on my face.

**********************************************************************************

I have my older son in mind as I do this post.  Each start of the school year leaves me with mixed emotions; I’m happy and proud that he’s growing into a responsible boy and explores his world to uncover his interests, strengths, likes and dislikes.  But the other part of me is a little sad because my first “baby” is growing up.  Fast.

Tonight, I watched a television show with him, as has been our ritual lately.  He picks a show and asks me to watch it with him.  I usually do, but not because I love to watch iCarly or Johnny Test (it’s not about the show or what I like – it’s about him); it’s about spending time with him because he wants me to.  I get an unguarded peek through a window to his mind.  I catch a glimpse of what he finds funny, silly or embarrassing. 

I treasure these moments because in the back of my mind, I’m very aware that one day I’ll have all the time in the world to watch what I want on TV because he may not always want to spend time with me.  One day, I fear, my empty fridge and mountains of dirty laundry may be the only evidence that I do have children still living in my house.  But before all that, I have another major emotional hurdle to overcome:  when my other “baby” starts Kindergarten next year.

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14 thoughts on “First Day of School

  1. Miss Rosemary August 9, 2010 / 9:21 PM

    This was so touching. I love the last two lines and the one “What age is it they disown you?” You’re really bringing out real mommy emotions. If you were going for bittersweet tearjerker, you got it!

    • jannatwrites August 9, 2010 / 9:44 PM

      Bittersweet tearjerker about sums it up, Miss Rosemary! That’s exactly what it is because I always get this way on the first day of school…

  2. Cities of the Mind August 9, 2010 / 10:05 PM

    This was pleasant to read. The poem a nice balance of pleasant and meaningful. I hope 3rd grade goes smoothly (for both of you).

    • jannatwrites August 9, 2010 / 10:25 PM

      Thanks for your comment! I think the first day was easier for him than for me. Sad…very sad.

    • jannatwrites August 10, 2010 / 6:07 AM

      Thanks, Brown Eyed! Sometimes I get a little sappy and emotional 🙂

  3. Lua August 10, 2010 / 8:50 AM

    Aww I love this poem Jenna- so honest and touching…
    My mother and I have a movie night. We pick a DVD and we watch it together with popcorn. She’s also pretty bummed since I’m moving to UK in a month (even though I’m 24, I guess kids never grow up in the eyes of their mothers). And so am I… She’s my best friend after all… 🙂

    • jannatwrites August 10, 2010 / 8:12 PM

      Thanks, Lua. It’ll be hard for both you and your mom when you go, but at least there’s still internet and telephone to keep in touch.

      P.S. My kids are still young, but I think I’ll always see them as my babies 🙂

  4. chlost August 10, 2010 / 8:26 PM

    No one really prepared me for the growing up part of the parenting job. Here you’ve done all of the hard work, are finally really able to enjoy them and appreciate them just for who they are, and they go off into the world without you!
    I remember the feelings very well,and my oldest is now 30. I still feel best when all of my “chicks” are at home with us.
    You know that you are doing a good job when he wants to spend time with you! Love them up!!

    • jannatwrites August 10, 2010 / 9:56 PM

      Oh, I hate to think about them moving away from me! It’s cute, though, because my kids talk about getting their own houses when they grow up so I can move in with them. I’m all for it, but I imagine their wives wouldn’t be too thrilled with the idea 🙂

  5. Smander August 16, 2010 / 3:38 AM

    This is absolutely beautiful. I dont have kids but this made me think of my mum. I remember walking off bravely towards a first day and turning briefly to wave…wanting to run back to her but knowing that I had to soldier on! Thanks for sharing this beauitful moment.

    • jannatwrites August 16, 2010 / 7:29 PM

      Thanks for the compliment. The first day of school is always hard on me. I’m beginning to think it won’t get easier.

  6. ledzupprulz November 16, 2010 / 9:44 PM

    A very great & picturesque post i’hv read so far. that almost made me feel like i was thr. may be i felt the same when i went for my first day, my memory has faded but now i can recall wht had happened.
    Thanks for sharing.

    • jannatwrites November 17, 2010 / 6:56 AM

      Of course, this was written from my point of view, so it’s more about my emotions. I can only guess what he was actually feeling. The first day of school seems so far away now 🙂

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