Stage Fright

Imagine this:  Standing in front of a group of people with a microphone, ready to sing whatever karaoke song you’ve got enough alcohol-induced courage to belt out.  The words come up on the screen for the first verse, you open your mouth, and…well, noise comes out all right.  In the shower, you sing great.  In the car, you sound just like Whitney Houston (if the radio is up loud enough).  But now?  You’d be better off with laryngitis.  Your off-pitch voice causes all within earshot to squirm in their chairs, wishing for it to be over.

This happened to me.  On paper.  Normally, I can write anything.  You want an insurance policy form?  Tell me what you intend to cover and exclude and I’ll draft it for you.  You want me to send an e-mail to someone apologizing for our mistake without making us look like idiots?  You got it.  You want a blog post that’s mildly entertaining.  This is a little tougher, but I can give that a shot too.  You want me to write a couple paragraphs about my book? <screech> Uh-oh.

I write the couple paragraphs, but some of it suffers from laryngitis and the rest of it is the poor karaoke singer howling like a sick horse that needs to be shot in the pasture to end its misery.  I want a light, humorous, witty query.  Is that too much to ask?  Apparently, for me, it is.

Note:  I’ve got one line that I actually like…if I can get more to follow, I may be back in business.  Here it is:

“They don’t know who they’re hunting until evidence forces her to dig up memories of big eighties hair, spandex leggings – and a fight that likely planted the seed of revenge.”

What do you think?  Funny or dumb?  Bring on the honesty – I can take it 🙂


2 thoughts on “Stage Fright

  1. milkfever June 20, 2010 / 6:31 PM

    What many people don’t know is that karaoke competitions are all about finding the worst singer. Yes, that right, not the best, which is downright boring, especially in a pub, but the one who makes your eardrums shrivel. It’s so much more fun. I am proud of the fact that I can make patrons writhe in agony at the sound of my howling.
    But the pitch letter. Dear oh dear. That is another matter entirely.
    For what it’s worth, I really like what you have so far. Keep expanding on that.
    I loved the post. Sorry I couldn’t be more help. I suck equally at karaoke and pitching.

    • jannatwrites June 20, 2010 / 8:27 PM

      Wow. If queries looked for the worst of the bunch, I’d have a really good shot 🙂
      You’ve had a book published, so your pitching can’t be that bad! (I’m sure your singing isn’t as bad as you say either).
      I did have a bit of encouragement, though…I finished the query and posted it for peer review, and….it didn’t get shredded to pieces. (Yay!) There were some helpful suggestions, but not nearly as bad as previous tries. I might be close, which is good news, because then I can blog about something else!

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