Afraid of the Dark

Scary, those things that lurk in the dark...
Scary, those things cloaked in darkness…

I don’t dwell in dark places.

What lurks in the recesses,

the lonely parts

of my mind, frightens

me more than monsters

haunting stuffed closets and

dusty under-beds.

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Inspiration:  I wrote this recently while struggling with the sadness that settles over me at times.  I didn’t have a reason to be anything other than content, which is why this recurring ‘darkness’ gets to me.  I don’t understand it, can’t explain it, and never know how long it will last, which is why I fear it.  I wouldn’t exactly be thrilled to find a monster in the closet, but at least I can comprehend that… and would have a chance to beat it into submission :)

I hope you have a beautiful Monday.  I’m glad you stopped by today!

You (Can’t) Complete Me

Eagle's nest near Woods Canyon Lake (AZ)
Eagle’s nest near Woods Canyon Lake (AZ)

Time moves like grey clouds on an overcast day.

Shading,

shifting,

shadowing.

My future, hazy, rolls on the horizon.

My perch, compromised;

my insecurities, exposed.

I used to think you completed me.

I bought into the fallacy;

           partook of the trickery-

My cup runs over, but still, I’m empty.

Incomplete.

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Inspiration: Though written in first person, the poem is not autobiographical this time. For some reason the phrase, “you complete me” came to mind today. I’m not so sure someone else can complete us. I think we have to be whole and comfortable in our “self” before we can commit to love. However, I’m not a total pessimist- I do believe we can find someone who compliments us by bringing out our better qualities.

In this poem, the broken person realizes that no matter how much the other person gives, it’s not enough. Looking back on the relationship, with the perspective of the time invested, he/she sees an uncertain future. The person has grown to be cynical from the realization they were duped by the idea someone else could make them whole. “My cup runs over, but still, I’m empty” – this acknowledges that although life has bestowed numerous blessings, the person still feels hollow inside.

Of course, if you saw something entirely different in these words, you’re right, too!

Thanks for reading and contemplating my words. Have a wonderful rest of the week :)

All Ears (And Feet)

I feel your presence.

I notice your ears; then… my-

what big feet you have!

11-3 Baby JackRabbit

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Jack rabbits move faster than I can think. Before it occurs to me to get my camera, they are nothing but a memory! My older son noticed this one outside by our deck several weeks ago and said, “hurry, Mom, take a picture.” Right. The camera!

I took the photo through the closed window because I knew any effort to get closer would result in the rabbit running- er, hopping away. I think we all have a flight instinct. When in physical danger, our body releases hormones that give us a boost of energy- allowing us a chance to survive.

In my last fiction piece, forgetting and remembering were contrasted; both resulting in apathy and fear. Joanne made a comment that said in part, “That is a fear I battle. I am afraid to move forward because I can’t see the next step.” I can relate to this statement so much.

This got me thinking about our evolution and how the “fight-or-flight” response to physical danger (which no doubt involves fear) makes us move, but the result of emotional fear is often to stay put. We get paralyzed with unknown scenarios and the myriad of “what-ifs” that come to mind (and they always seem to be worst-case outcomes!)

Today, my prayer is that we all find the faith to take on a fear. It’s not easy to get past the road blocks constructed in our minds, but acknowledging them is an important step that can lead to action. I have some fears of my own to take on. I think we all have them if we stop to think about it.

Just a few rambling thoughts on a Monday… thanks for bearing with me and reading through them.

Have a beautiful day!

Sigh. Wildlife, 4; Humans, 0

Made a fool again.

White flag waved (with crossed fingers)…

Ready for next round.

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Early Monday morning we discovered the wildlife had another crazy night of partying. Somehow, they are able to keep their rabblerousing down enough that we sleep through it; however it’s obvious we were the benefactors of the animal equivalent of toilet-papering a house. I have the “trashy” pictures to prove it:

At least dirty laundry wasn't aired...
At least dirty laundry wasn’t aired…

As my older son and I scooped up garbage donning very fashionable surgical gloves, neighbors slowed to stare as they drove by. One man stopped and rolled down his window.

“Ah, the javelina got ‘ya?” he asked.

I shrugged.

“This is what the javelina do,” he said with a nod.

“Well then, I guess our trash won’t go out until I hear the garbage truck.”

I should’ve known! I bet it was that javelina that gave me “the look” after her baby finally freed itself from our garden. I feared she wasn’t done with us and I was right.

10-6 javelina-edit

Arizona Game and Fish has pretty much tied our hands, as it unlawful to injure, kill or trap them. I don’t really want to hurt them anyway, but they aren’t taking the hint that they aren’t welcome around here. Since I’m not likely to lure a pack of coyotes as pets to patrol our land, I’ll have to do more research on all the things javelina hate and start doing more of that!

Stay tuned for our next failure :)

(It’s hard to show confidence when our efforts thus far make Elmer Fudd look competent!)

Heart Things and October “Warning”

An apology:

Salve for injured emotions.

Repeat as needed.

I took this photo in February and I'm so excited to have a post I think it fits with.  Even the Boy Scouts saw a heart in this stump!
I took this photo in February and I’m so excited to finally have a post I think it fits with. Even the Boy Scouts saw a heart in this stump!

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After several days of not speaking to my husband following his mother’s too-long, drama-inducing visit, he finally asked if I was upset with him.

If?!

It occurs to me that the silent treatment was probably a beautiful gift and he had to take a few days to consider whether he wanted to return it.  I suppose all decisions must be carefully weighed :razz:

I find it ironic that the ones we love the most are the ones we hurt the most. These are the people that we can take for granted and not even realize that we’ve hurt them. After thinking about it, I see that when I overstep my bounds with an acquaintance, “I’m sorry,” rolls off the tongue so easily. When I disappoint a loved one, my first inclination is to defend my “rightness.”

As I write this post, I remind myself to treat loved ones like acquaintances. Tomorrow is not a given.

My last partly-fiction story was not the least bit uplifting, but when I’m mad/sad/frustrated, etc., I’m wholly all of those things and it bleeds through into my writing.

Oh!  Speaking of bleeding, do you know what day it is? Hump-day!  Well, that- and October 1st! (I know, that’s a terrible segue, but I’m sticking with it.) I had so much fun writing extra-twisted, super-creepy stories last October that I’m ready to see if I can keep up the scary fiction for another October. I don’t really do blood and gore so much, but hope to bring on the psychological scary. Boo!

If you’re not into creepy, I’ll understand if you make yourself scared, I mean, scarce.  Okay, okay, I’ll stop now.  Have a great Wednesday!